"Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor."
James 3:17-18, The Message

Before I begin ... wait ... I guess I already have.  Before I continue further, I'd like to note that the third chapter of James begins with a pretty strong warning: don't be in a hurry to become teachers; they're held to higher standards.  I just want to say for the record, I'm not a teacher.  Don't want to be one, never wanted to be one, so don't confuse an ADD stricken, God follower who talks too much but writes an awesome devotional blog with a teacher.  Okay ... got that settled right?  Moving on ...

It's hard for some people to think of me as a hot tempered dude.  Some just can't imagine me 'losing it'.  As a kid I had a temper ... it was easy for me to fly off the handle, but just as easy for me to break down into tears.  My family could confirm that I had my moments.  Around school I didn't get too worked up because I was such a little kid.  However, when I graduated from high school I grew from 5'-8" to 6'-0" tall.  It's amazing what that did for my confidence ... and my bad attitude.  Back when I used to hang out in bars for all the wrong reasons I was pretty mouthy.  It didn't take much ... an hour or so with my buddy Jack, and all of a sudden I was ten foot tall and bullet proof.  I remember one night in particular.  If I would have gotten my way, I'm not sure I'd be able to chew food today.  I got mouthy with the wrong guy, but I wasn't worried ... I was stupid, but I wasn't worried.  Thankfully my friend Sam was worried.  He stepped between me and the mountain I was lipping off to, and probably saved me a trip to the emergency room.

Starting something with that guy wasn't the wisest thing for me to do that night.  I wasn't talking with him in hopes of getting to know him better.  I certainly wasn't gentle or reasonable.  Unfortunately it didn't stop in college.  I carried my short fuse with me for awhile longer.  I remember an incident at work where someone in our marketing department was supposed to carry out a task (one that she suggested and volunteered for) to help complete a proposal for a five year contract.  This was a very big contract ... one that I had spent over a month writing the proposal for.  Our company had invested thousands of dollars to get this job.  Her assignment was simple: get the proposal assembled, bound, and ready for delivery to the city.  The proposal was due at 3:00 pm on a Thursday.  At 2:00 pm, an assistant to the marketing gal took the three copies of the proposal to the printer to get bound.  At 2:30 pm I get a phone call from the printer telling me that he didn't have the materials to bind the proposals as we previously discussed.  Well ... at least I thought our office discussed it with him.  Remember the marketing gal ... the one who volunteered?  Well, she sort of forgot to coordinate with the printer regarding what we needed.  At 2:35 pm I was having a very unpleasant conversation with Mr. Printer Guy ... the only words I can repeat from that conversation in this forum are "you" and "you".  I ended the call by telling him that he better get the proposals bound ... that I didn't care if he used binder clips ... but to get them bound so that we could get them downtown to the 7th floor of City Hall before 3:00 pm.  You see, in my business, if you turn in a proposal at 3:01 pm, it's late, and thrown out.  Hundreds of thousands of dollars of future contracts were in the balance, and almost lost.  I won't even get into the conversation I had with our marketing gal.  I will say it ended in tears, but not mine this time.

Since that time I'd like to think I've gotten better.  I've had my 'hot' days ... I've had some 'cold' days ... but I've definitely gotten better.  It has come at a price though.  Part of that price was saying things that I can never take back.  Part of it was burning a few bridges along the way.  Another part of the price is what James refers to in verse 18 ... he calls it the "hard work of getting along".  All relationships take work ... you can't take them for granted.  Only those who know me can judge how far I've come, and how well I succeed or don't succeed at 'getting along'.  Whatever progress I've made has been a result of God's never ending grace.

What about you?  Are you cold towards others, or are you warm, compassionate, and caring?  Are you merciful to those who try to hurt you, or are you merciless in seeking revenge?  God says in the Old Testament that "vengeance is mine".  Do yourself a favor ... leave it to Him.  While you're at it, leave the rest of your troubles and hurts at His feet too.  He's waiting.  God bless you, and good night.

Good morning Chasing God readers.  Welcome to the new look of the Chasing God blog.  Why the new look?  Well, I guess it stems mostly from my compulsive need for change (in some things).  It was either this, or try to figure out a new arrangement for the furniture in my living room. 

I've posted 75 devotionals now.  It hardly seems possible.  My wife asked me not too long ago "how do you come up with something new to write every day?"  I casually answered as I pointed to my head that "I've got ton's of material rolling around up here."  That may be true, but each time I write I have this feeling that it's not really me writing.  Granted, I'm the one at the keyboard, but I've got company for sure.  I believe this blog exists because of the countless times over the past two years that I've asked God ... at times begged Him ... to allow me to know him better. 

I also believe it exists because of the 'other' times ... the ones where I've been too embarrassed to talk to Him ... or pray ... or even sing.  How can that be?  How can I be afraid to approach the throne of a God who is so loving and faithful; a God whose mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23, KJV)?  Knowing how wonderful and marvelous and faithful and loving God is, how can I continue to live a life centered around my own wants and desires, a life that leads to feeling unworthy to approach Him?  And when I do tend to focus on me, is it really as bad as I think it is?  After all, doesn't He tell us that if we delight ourselves in Him, he'll give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4)?  I delight myself in Him quite often; is it so bad to want things in life?  Is it unholy to pursue things that only exist in this world?

The apostle Paul sums this up quite succinctly in Romans, chapter 7, verse 15.  He says this: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do."  If you go on to read the next three or four verses after that, he uses the word 'do' so often it makes your head spin.  Some day I'm going to dive into those verses and figure them out once and for all, but for now, I'm still trying to figure out the verse above.  There are things in life I don't want to do, but at times I find myself still doing them.  There are things in life, as a follower of Jesus, that I know I should do, and yet I don't.  Paul explains in those verses that follow that it's not him who does it, but the "sinful nature" that lives in him.  Really?  How can he write that to the Romans, and yet to the church in Galatia write “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me" (Galatians 2:19-20)? 

So as Believers do we still have a sinful nature?  How can we have a sinful nature that resides in the same body where Christ lives?  Theologically, I have no idea how to answer that.  From a Joe-ological standpoint I can say this: the answer to that question is I think so.  On August 20, 1991 at approximately 11:30 am, the old me died and I was made new through the power of Jesus, his death, and his ressurrection.  By noon that day my sinful nature was telling me "uh .... Joe ... not so fast dude.  The prayer you just said was cool and all, but let's not get too excited about this long haired Jesus freak lifestyle ok?"  Even though I was crucified with Christ ... my sin, and my shame, and my guilt, and my hate, and my anger, and my torment, and my sadness, and my hurts, and my hang-ups, and my disappointments, and my failures, and everything else that defined who I was ... even though I was crucified with Christ, and the old "I" no longer lived, I still continued to make mistakes.  Twenty one years later, I still find myself giving in to my sinful nature at times.

So what do we do?  Last night I heard a powerful message at church that I had heard before.  If my friend Dawn is reading this, she and my wife may remember one of our old pastors, Gary U., preaching a sermon about dying daily.  He talked about how we'll continue to screw up because it's just in our nature as men and women ... our sinful nature.  But he also talked about how Jesus provided us a way to overcome our sinful nature.  We may not overcome it once and for all, but we can over come it daily.  The answer is in the book of Luke, chapter 9, verses 23-25 where Jesus says "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me ... What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?" (Emphasis mine).

I did everything I could in the blogspot editor to make the word daily stand out above.  Did it come across?  Do you understand what you have to do?  And not just you ... I'm writing this as much for myself as I am any of you.  This was the point Alan was making last night, and it was the very same point Gary made so many years ago: to take up your cross daily.  According to pastor Gary, that literally means to die daily.  It's 7:39 am on Sunday.  I've been awake for an hour and a half.  So far I don't think I've screwed anything up, but I've got a long day ahead of me.  I've got plenty of time to think a selfish thought, or to worry about not having a job, or to get angry and sin, or to covet what someone else has.  Before my head hits the pillow tonight, I need to once again give it all up, and lay it at the feet of Jesus.  I need to die again, so when I wake up tomorrow, I can take up my cross one more time, and follow Jesus.

Chances are I'll have to do that one more time, many times.  As for today, I'm thankful His mercies are new again this morning.

"If an enemy were insulting me,
   I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me,
   I could hide.
But it is you, a man like myself,
   my companion, my close friend,
 with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
   at the house of God,
as we walked about among the worshipers."
Psalm 55:12-14

Why is it that we hurt those closest to us?  I've been on both the sending and receiving end of that hurt.  I've said things to people that I wish with all my heart I could have taken back.  Things that were just stupid, inconsiderate, and manipulative.  That's the thing about the spoken word though ... once it's out, it's out.  I've also had things said to me that I wish I'd never heard.  People who are close to me, with all the best intentions, have said some of the most cutting comments to me.  Why do we do that?

On the other hand, if I don't like you, or if you've said or done something to someone I love and care about ... me included ... I can verbally rip you to shreds without a second thought.  I'll feel various degrees of remorse later, but after all, if you attack me or someone I love, we're "foes" right.  Conversely, if someone doesn't like me, I'd almost expect them at some point in time to say something mean or cruel.  As the verse above states, that's easier to handle.  It's easier because we're not as close to people like that.  We're not emotionally attached.  What they say or do to us is easier to "endure".

So what's the lesson here Joe?  Isn't this where you tell us a story about how someone you know and care about insulted you?  Isn't it time to tie this in to another scripture that teaches us to love our neighbor, and to treat them the way we'd like to be treated?  Actually ... no ... it isn't.  You see, treating others the way we're supposed to isn't some thing new.  It's not a new concept on decency and friendship.  We all know that's what we need to do.

David explains very clearly how much it hurt to be betrayed by someone so close to him.  That's the lesson.  That's the reminder to myself as I read this ... to remember how much it hurts to be treated poorly, to be lied about, to be taken for granted ... and as a result, to never treat anyone else that way.  That should be enough to chew on until tomorrow.  God bless you, and good night.

"My flesh and my heart may fail,
   but God is the strength of my heart
   and my portion forever."
Psalm 73: 26, NIV

I woke up this morning unsettled.  Maybe it was because I had to go to work.  It's not that I don't like working ... I rather enjoy what I do for a living.  I guess it's difficult to get excited about working 8 hours a week ... and it's impossible to make a living doing it.  Without going into all the details, it's hard to do what I do in, or for, 8 hours a week.  Success in what I do is based on long term relationships ... relationships that are built through consistent interaction and effort over weeks, months, or even years.  Aside from that, the uncertainty of my future seemed more uncertain today than it has in awhile.  I started thinking about what I was going to do ... what I have to do, to start making a living again.  Apply in other parts of the country?  Redefine myself?  Change careers?  Go back to school?  Doubt began to slowly creep in, and it was doing it's best to take over for the day.  Needless to say, for a moment, my flesh failed me this morning.

Okay, so maybe it was more than a moment.  Consequently, my heart decided to join the party.  After all, misery loves company.  Failed flesh.  Failed heart.

Hello God ... it's me again.  I'm not sure what to do.  I know ... I know ... I tried to be strong on my own again.  I'm sorry.  Let's look at the good news though ... I was wrapped up in relying on my own strength for only an hour or so.  It only took me an hour to realize that you're my strength and portion.  You are my strength.  Only You.  Since you're my strength and portion forever, I guess that means you'll be with me next time I fail too huh?  Next time ... and there will be a next time ... I'll do my best not to let it go on for so long.  Amen.

"I guess it comes down to a simple choice really.  Get busy living or get busy dying."
Andy Dufrense, The Shawshank Redemption

After reading that I suppose some of you are trying to figure out what you've been doing ... living, or dying.  At least one of you started singing the song "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw ... or maybe that was just me.  Stop thinking or singing and re-read the quote again.  What's the most important word in that statement?  

I believe it's the word 'choice'.

What did you choose to do today?  I'm sure there were things that you had to do.  Maybe you had to get up and go to work.  Maybe you had to go to class.  Maybe you had a doctor's appointment.  It's no surprise to us that there are things that we just have to do.  We're used to it, and it's okay.  It's okay because it keeps us moving, and active, and engaged in our life and in the lives of others, but don't you find the feeling of doing something a little different when you make the choice to do it?

21 years ago I chose to turn my life over to God.  Nobody made me do it.  No one made the choice for me.  It was my decision, and mine alone.  It's a choice that I've never regretted or doubted.  19 years ago I chose to marry my wife.  Of course she had to choose me too, but she's the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with.  Not five or ten years, or for as long as it seemed to be working, but the rest of my life.  I've never regretted that either.  Over the years I've made the choice to pursue friendships with certain people and have had the pleasure making some of the best friendships I could have ever asked for.

Recently I made the choice to start living again.  Thankfully I made it before I watched the re-run of Shawshank ... otherwise Andy would have gotten the credit for it.  He was right in his observation though ... you're either living, or your dying.  Life really doesn't have a rest stop.  In spite of the popularity of the old saying, you can't "stop the world and get off".  Trust me ... I've tried many times.  I'm glad I made the choice to live.  I feel good knowing that each day it's up to me how I approach that day.  I almost slipped and said that each day it's up to me as to how I feel.  I'm not sure if that's true but I am in control of how I respond to how I feel.  Big words for such and emotional dude eh?  Maybe, but I guess we all need to start somewhere.

Jesus promised to bring us life, and that the life He gave would be an abundant life.  I hope you've made the choice to let Him bring it to you.  God bless and good night.

"I find I'm so excited I can't sit still or hold a thought in my head.  I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel.  A free man at the start of a long journey ... whose conclusion is uncertain."
Ellis "Red" Redding, The Shawshank Redemption

The movie was described as "Two imprisoned men bond over a number of years, finding solace and eventual redemption through acts of common decency (as quoted from some movie website)".  The opening quote in the blog is my second favorite quote from the movie.

I've felt that kind of excitement before.  One of the most recent things that led to such excitement was when I started my band.  I'd never been in a gigging band before (I'd never been in a band period), and I had no idea what I was doing, but man was I excited.  I remember confessing to someone recently that if we were scheduled to play on a Friday, I could pretty much write off that day at work.  I literally could not focus on anything else the entire afternoon.  I was like ADD on crack.  I couldn't wait to get to wherever we were playing that night, set up the sound system, and get to making music.  It was such a rush.

Back when I was healthier I felt that same excitement every time I woke up at 5:00 am, without an alarm, to go play basketball at a local gym.  I did that Monday through Friday for 10 years or so.  On Saturdays I could sleep in some ... we didn't start until 9:00.  Basketball was like a drug to me.  I say that with all seriousness too ... it was more powerful than any SSRI, pain medication, muscle relaxer, anti-anxiety pill ... it had this way of making every day better.  A basketball game has the best of everything ... physical exercise, ego, trash talking, "bustin' j's" in someone's eye ... what more could you ask for?  Maybe some of you could think of something ... I guess (sarcasm dripping ...).

Meeting Jesus for the first time carried that same sense of excitement.  At last I met the Savior ... I had hope again ... I felt like waking up the next day wouldn't be so bad.  I remember devouring the Bible every chance I could.  Amazingly I attended a Bible study every Saturday night.  For those of you reading this who may have known what I was like B.C., you're laughing too!  I was at church all the time ... volunteering and attending.  I remember hanging out Sunday nights after church with a bunch of believers at a local restaurant.  I could not get enough of what God had for me.  I couldn't sit still in His presence.

So what happened?  Based on what I just described, how could I lose that feeling? How could I let life interfere with itself?  I can't just blame it on the devil.  That would be the easy way out.  After all, doesn't he make everyone 'do it'?  I can't blame it on my wife.  She's not responsible for me, or what I do, or how happy I am.  I can't blame it on my job, regardless of how horrible it was at times.  I can't blame it on my family, or my friends.  I certainly can't tell God it's his fault that I 'lost that loving feeling'.  Proverbs 23:7 tells us that "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" (KJV).  Where I'm at emotionally ... how I feel ... the excitement I approach each day with ... that falls on me, and me alone.  I know over the years I placed ridiculous expectations on other people; I'm sorry I did that.  I placed even more ridiculous expectations on myself; I'm even more sorry I did that.  I've learned that bad days are just that ... a bad day.  They can always be followed by a good day though ... right?

I read the following statement in a book this past weekend: "Action precedes motivation".  I approached too many days in my life anticipating the worst, without any excitement, and I received exactly what I had hoped for.  To me, anticipating the best, or reveling in the hope that preceded a new journey seemed too hard.  I never felt motivated to live like that.  Worse, I forgot how to live like that.  I learned why two days ago while reading my book.

I learned 20 years ago that "faith without works is dead" (James 2:20, NIV).  I guess I had forgotten that too. 

“Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of my pasture!” declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 23:1, New International Version

“How horrible it will be for the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep in my care,” declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 23:1, God's Word Translation

When was the last time you were called a sheep?  As far as comparisons to animals go, I've been called an ass (I'm sure they were thinking of donkeys), a pig, a dog ... or dawg, but never a sheep.  At least I never was before I committed my life to Jesus.  The minute I did that, Jesus became my Shepherd, and I become a sheep in his flock.

God has never been a fan of people attacking His people.  He warn us not to "touch His anointed".  He's a loving and PROTECTIVE God.  And he's a God of action.  All you've got to do is breeze through the Old Testament to see how many nations and countries he took out to protect His people.  Let me also point out that His people (Israel) didn't always to as they were told.  That's right ... he's God folks ... and he can tell us what to do.  Israel copped an attitude at times, and when they did, God corrected the situation, but he did it because He loved them!  They were, and still are, God's chosen people!  (That's why it's good to support them, and pray for them ... just sayin').

Guess who else falls into the category of God's chosen people?  Me ... and you, if you've made the decision to let Him into your life.  He loves us so much ... well, he loves everyone, sinner and sinner-saved-by-grace alike ... and when you allow God to come into your life, he's got your back.  Does that mean that you'll avoid problems and troubles for the rest of your life?  Nope.  Does that mean that you'll drive the best cars, live in the best houses, and have the best jobs?  Nope.  So what does it mean?  Based on what I've read, what I've heard preached, and what I've experienced in my own life, I feel it means this:  God watches out for us, and does all He can do to help us avoid problems and pitfalls in life, as much as our own free will let's him.  Our will is a very strong force, but is it really stronger than God's power?  No, it's not.  Nothing is.  If God chose to, he could make every one on the planet love and worship Him.  If we don't choose of our own free will to worship Him, he promised to cause the rocks to cry out (Luke 19:40).

I think it's worth saying again that God loves you so much.  He's a good shepherd ... the best.  If you haven't yet, make the choice to trust in Him.  He'll always have your back.  He'll always protect you according to His will.  He can't help it ... it's just who He is.  God bless you, and good night.


* please note the new links added on the right side of the http://chasing-god.blogspot.com home page.  One is a link to a few songs I sang at the 2009 Lansing Bless Fest.  Another is a link to BibleGateway.com, the website I use to look up the verses I write about.  Check them both out when you have time.

"Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching."
Proverbs 1:8,  New International Version

The man who raised me since I was 11, Bob, is my dad.  My mom is my mom.  They both have taught me things over the years that I still live by today.  Such as ...

... one of the first things Bob and I did together after he married my mom was wash his car.  I was 11 ... I had more important things to do than to wash his car.  I'm sure I was missing out on a bike ride, or a baseball game ... I know I missed out on something fun.  My job was to wash the car windows.  Windex and rag in hand I blew threw them like nobody's business.  When I was done, Bob walked around the car and inspected my work. 

"Is that the best you could do?"
"Yep."
"Really?"
"Yep .. that's the best I could do."
"So if I offered you a million dollars to do a better job, could you do it?"
"For a million dollars?  Heck yes."
"So then it's not the best you could do?"

Silence ...  I've referred back to that day countless times over the years.  And countless times I came to the conclusion that I could do better.  I had a particular intern that worked for me who hated that story ... :)

My mother showed my brothers and I what it meant to work hard (well ... unless I was washing windows I guess).  Only I didn't realize that's what she was showing us until I had graduated from college.  A friend of hers told me the most moving story about my mother; something she would never share with us herself.  Not that it was a big deal.  With all we went through as a family, she just wanted to be strong for us.  Such as ...

... at the age of 19 my mother had already had her first child, been married, and divorced.  She and her son, my older brother David who was killed in a car wreck in 1977, were living in a low rent apartment on Shiawassee Street near downtown Lansing.  She was unemployed, and had no idea what she was going to do.  She eventually was able to apply for a job with one of the courts downtown, clerking for a judge.  She submitted her application and was selected to be interviewed.  My mom is one smart and sophisticated woman.  I'm sure her interview was a slam dunk.  Unfortunately it wasn't good enough ... she was not hired.  That night she was walking around in her two room apartment, holding David in her arms, wondering what she was going to do next.  She literally didn't know how they were going to eat the next day, or pay the next rent payment. 

I don't know what made her think to do this ... she's tough, and doesn't give up easily I guess.  She may be a bit stubborn too, like her father.  Anyway, later that week she contacted the judge's office, to thank them again for the opportunity, and if anything were to change, she'd be happy to interview again.  During the call the judge's secretary told my mother that the woman they hired wasn't working out, and wondered if my mom could start the following Monday.  That was 1959.  52 years later she's a successful attorney, having owned her own practice for the last 24 years or so.  I don't know why she didn't get the job in the first place.  I do know that her not getting the job, then following through just in case, taught me much more than if she had gotten it first.

I'm going to end with the lyrics to a country song called "Voices".  It's by one of my favorite artists, Chris Young.  Even though it amazes my dad and mom that I ever listened to them, all these years later I still hear their voices in my head, guiding me through life's ups and downs.  God bless you, and good night.


You could say I'm a little bit crazy
You could call me insane
Walkin' 'round with all these whispers
Runnin' 'round here in my brain
I just can't help but hear 'em
Man, I can't avoid it

I hear voices
I hear voices like
My dad sayin' work that job
But don't work your life away
Mama tellin' me to drop some cash
In the offering plate on Sunday
And granddad sayin' you can have a few
But don't ever cross that line
Yeah I hear voices all the time

Turns out I'm pretty dang lucky
For all that good advice
Those hard to find words of wisdom
Holed up here in my mind
And just when I've lost my way
Or I got too many choices

I hear voices
I hear voices like
My dad sayin' quit the team
And you'll be a quitter for the rest of your life
Mama tellin' me to say a prayer
Every time I lay down at night
And grandma sayin' if you find the one
You'd better treat her right
Yeah, I hear voices all the time

Sometimes I try to ignore 'em
But I thank God for 'em
'Cause they made me who I am

My dad sayin' work that job
But don't work your life away
Mama tellin' me to drop some cash
In the offering plate on Sunday
And granddad sayin' you can have a few
But don't ever cross that line
Yeah I hear voices all the time
Yeah I hear voices all the time
All the time

"LORD, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God."
Psalm 38:15, New International Version

Last Saturday a gentleman at church stopped me in the atrium after the service.  He wanted to let me know that he enjoyed the song I sang, and that it was nice to see me use my talents on the weekend as well as Thursday.  That was a subtle way of telling me that he was part of the Celebrate Recovery group.  He and I talked for the next two hours about a lot of things.  One of the subjects we touched on was waiting on the Lord.  He asked me a lot of questions about music, and what it means to me, and if I ever thought of doing ...  Yes, I have thought of a lot concerning music.  It's hard to describe the connection I can feel with a song, or the way a person sings a song.  I'm watching American Idol tonight ... one of the contestants whom I happen to like came out on the stage and started to sing.  I was choked up ... as in choked up ... by the second note.  Music just does that to me, it always has.

The conversation eventually came around to telling him about my blog.  I told him how it fits well with all those things I used to think about concerning music.  I think they make a great duo, but it doesn't matter what I think.  That's not a self defeating statement ... it's just my way to remind myself, and to share with you, that God is still on the throne ... He is still in control ... and when we get to a point in life where we're not sure what we're supposed to do, our job is to wait.  And wait.  And maybe wait some more.

Let me take a minute to explain waiting by telling you what it's not.  Waiting does not mean you quit your job and sit at home all day, waiting for opportunity to knock on your front door.  Waiting does not mean abandoning things you love doing, giving you more time to wait for God to move.  Waiting does not require you to stop associating with friends and family so you can make waiting your best friend.  God doesn't want you to stop living in order to wait.  In fact, it's my position that we should still do what we can do while we wait.

One of the thoughts I had concerning music was looking for opportunities to visit churches with my testimony and my guitar, sharing my story ... the one that ends with letting people know that God is still in the business of changing the world, one person at a time.  When the thought was conceived, the worst thing I could have done would have been to sit in my living room waiting for churches to call me.  Instead I mailed about 40 cd's of my original music to churches with a cover letter explaining my purpose for contacting them.  I followed up as much as I could.  Nobody was interested.  So I decided to take my voice and guitar to open mic nights around town.  I was a regular at a Christian coffee shop.  I was beginning to have fun so I started a band.  I'd book a gig anywhere I could get us in.  We played pizza parlors and bars ... we played concerts in the park and restaurants ... we played in back yards and on courthouse steps.  Regardless of where we played, we always had a ton of fun.  I auditioned for and was asked to be part of my church worship team.  A few months ago I started leading worship for 100 people at a recovery group.

Are you getting the point?  Look at what I would have missed out on if I would have waited, as in the "do nothing waiting" while God sends me a raft, a boat, and helicopter to save me from the flood waters called missing out on life.  I've been judged by many for singing in bars.  Let me say that playing in bars and clubs and parks has been the best on the job training a musician could ever ask for.  My confidence in performing went from 0 to 10 in just a few months.  Some of my best friends told me I wasn't good enough to "play out."  I told myself I wasn't good enough to play with the worship team at church.  Thank God I didn't believe any of us!

There are definitely times in life where we need to sit quietly before the Lord, and wait for His leading.  There are times when we need to give some things up in order quiet our lives enough so we can hear His voice.  It's important to know the difference between giving up a habit and giving up our lives.  God wants us to share our gifts with the world.  In the process of doing that we're bound to make a few mistakes now and then.  That's okay ... He's already forgiven us.  Don't let a mistake stop you from sharing your gift, or send you spiraling into a false sense of guilt, and a misguided sense of waiting on God.  The gentleman I spoke with that night put it this way ... "we need to learn to wait while doing."  I couldn't have said it better if I tried.

The song below is a wonderful song about waiting on God.  I hope you enjoy it.  God bless you, and good night.

* I had to re-post this blog.  It's not that I'm being lazy, or that the MSU game starts in 8 minutes ... I still may write something tonight ... really. 

I had to re-post it because of a song I ran across tonight.  It's called "It's Only" by Danny Gokey.  He was an American Idol contestant a few years ago.  He didn't win, but if I remember right he finished in the top 4 or 5.  This song really touched me, and it epitomizes the verse below as much as any other song.  Like he says, I love to entertain too, but more than that, I want what I do to mean something.  I had lunch today with the Director of the VOA.  We talked about a lot of things ... Patrick has been one of my biggest fans since we first met a few years ago.  One of the things we talked about was this blog, and my music, and leading worship for Celebrate Recovery.  I told him that I don't care to be recognized so much ... I just want to make a difference.  If it was only about me getting attention, I'd be out gigging with my band Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights ... every week.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every gig we ever had, but I believe there are more meaningful ways to spend my time.  If God wants me to be in a band, He'll open those doors.  If he wants me to use the talents and gifts He's given me to make a difference in the lives of others, He'll open those doors.  I gave up control awhile ago.  It's all up to Him.  Here's the video.  Give it a listen.

^"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
James 1:26-27, New International Version

I've learned a few things in life.  Not a lot, but a few.  One of the things I've learned is this: when you're feeling down ... when you're experiencing pain ... when you've tied the last knot at the end of your rope ... go help someone else.  Spend some of your time volunteering.  Call a friend that you know is hurting and try to help them through it.  Go visit a retirement center.  Or the children's wing in a hospital.  Do something that has nothing to do with your problems, your issues, or your pain.  I'm pretty good at dwelling on stuff.  If it were an Olympic sport I'd be a shoe-in for at least the silver medal ... maybe gold.  There have been times however when I've been able to do what I'm suggesting that you do.  I've been able to pick myself up enough to go help others.  One of my places of choice is the Volunteers of America.

Our local VOA houses homeless people of all types ... singles, families, Veterans, addicts ... they don't discriminate.  I've been over there about six or seven times in the past two years.  Each time I go I take my guitar ... play a bit ... talk a bit ... play a little bit more.  Each time I've gone, without fail, I didn't want to go.  There was something going on in my life that seemed more important at the time.  But each time I went, I got more out of the night than probably any one.  You see ... it's guaranteed ... you will always reap what you sow.

The first night I went there to sing and minister to the residents, something happened that changed my life.  I was playing a song called "And Then Some" by Eric Durrance.  It's a song the tells the story of a young man thinking of ending his life, until he's approached by a Vietnam Vet who breaks it down for him.  He convinced the kid to keep trying.  The kid eventually ends up volunteering at a homeless shelter.  It's a beautiful song ... one I've played many times.  Halfway through the song, a young girl sitting on the floor in the back of the room got up, and walked out of the room crying.  I had no idea what was going on with her.  After I was done for the night, an employee of the VOA brought the girl up to meet me.  Her name is Robin.  The night I was there happened to be the three year anniversary of her mother dying.  Well ... she was actually killed ... by her husband, Robin's father.  If that wasn't bad enough, her dad made her watch as he killed her mother.  I don't how someone would move on from that kind of an experience ... I really don't.  Robin ran away, and ended up at the VOA.  That same night ... the anniversary of her mother being murdered by her father ... the night I happen to show up to sing a few songs ... was the night that Robin planned on ending her own life.  Halfway through an obscure country song being sung by a 'regular Joe' from Lansing, Michigan, she changed her mind.  Really?  It was very hard for me to believe that I caused her to change her mind ... or at the very least, a song that I was singing caused her to change her mind ... but it did.  Once again God used the unusable to do His work.

I'm not a big fan of the word 'religion', but that's the word that James chose to use in the verses above.  Do you want to do something that will please God?  Do you want to put your money where your Christian mouth is?  Go help the needy.  Go pray for an orphan.  Go love the unlovable.  Just go do something that will take your eyes off of you.  And yes, I know ... as in I KNOW ... that it's so much easier to say it than it is to do it.  I live it every day.  However, the day's where I've been able to muster up the energy to get beyond myself ... well ... it never fails ... God shows up.

“You gotta understand, I'm at odds with myself all the time. I actually want to be mysterious, and quiet. I really do. If anyone out there is like me and they can't help but speak and communicate. I have a giant capacity to communicate, and I'm always suffering because there's nothing I'd rather do than be the guy who speaks when spoken to, and I wake up every morning trying to be that guy, and by the end of the night … it's the banana dance or something. I can not get out of this really impressionistic, communication thing, so I'm getting over it by acknowledging to myself that I do dumb stuff, and that I'm going to continue to occasionally do dumb stuff peppered in with some special stuff, and so I'm coming to terms with that. It doesn't explain everything away, but it helps to say “I've always been this way” … it's not the perfect explanation, but it helps me sleep."
John Mayer

Today's blog is about you.  Yes, I'm writing it, but it's about you.  However, you do have to qualify.  I don't think it will be difficult ... most of you probably meet the qualifications already.  For those who don't, God bless you.  To qualify you simply had to go through, at one time in your life, a period of either not liking yourself; or wishing others would understand you more, and maybe be a little more gracious with you, and the baggage you carry with you.  To begin, I'll be referencing the quote above from a famous guy named John.  That's right, the quote is from John Mayer ... the musician.  Not John the Baptist, or the beloved Apostle John, but the bluesy, rock guitar player.

I was flipping channels yesterday and landed on Paladia, a music channel that shows recorded concerts for half the day, and music video's the other half of the day.  I caught the last ten minutes of a John Mayer concert.  After 'landing', I was able to catch him answering a question from someone in the crowd.  The quote above was the latter two thirds of his answer.  Unfortunately I didn't catch all of the question.  To me, it didn't matter.  How he described himself captivated me.  It was like he was describing me ... perfectly.  Even my wife looked at me and said "sounds like you."  Let me share a few myths about me (things I've heard said about me, or to describe me over the years) that hopefully you can relate to, and subsequently learn from.

Myth #1:  Because I sing at church, and am a lead singer in a country band, I must be outgoing.

Reality:  I'm not outgoing at all.  I'm much more comfortable being alone, or hanging with my wife ... maybe a friend or two.  I've never thought an outgoing person was someone who could get up in front of crowds and act, or perform, or speak.  To me, an outgoing person is someone who can meet a stranger face to face, and actually strike up a meaningful conversation.  My wife is outgoing in that way.  Me ... I'm just an introvert who loves to sing and play guitar.  The bigger the crowd the better too.  I sang at church this weekend at three services, in front of a few thousand people total.  That's easy for an introvert to do ... because you don't have to look at any one person!

What you can learn:  Be yourself, and be happy with who you are.  Don't let the 'crowd' dictate who or what you should be.


Myth #2:  Because I don't have a problem with being up in front of large crowds, I must be uber confident.

Reality:  I actually suffer from low self esteem.  I haven't always, but I have for some time now.  It stems from being involved in a situation where for about 12 years straight I was mentally beat up, and made to feel like a loser, because I wasn't meeting the expectations of others.  Mentally beat up by others, and myself.  Couple that with many years of chronic pain and three surgeries and you end up with depression.  Add two more major surgeries, each requiring three months of recuperation time, which meant doing nothing productive or meaningful for six out of twelve months, and you get a worsening depression.  Combine that with losing your job for no legitimate reason and you've got a miserable existence ... and no self esteem.

What you can learn:  At the risk of sounding secular, let me tell you a great way to live ... if it feels good, do it.  If it feels bad, don't do it.  I'm not going to go into a big explanation about Biblical good and bad.  I trust that you're able to know the difference between the good feeling you get by pursuing something you enjoy, and the good feeling you get by getting high.  The same with bad ... there's a difference between leaving an environment that is damaging to you, and electing to avoid a challenge simply because it looks difficult.  My point is that if you are in a situation that you know is bad for you, and you know won't change, don't stay in it for 12 years like I did simply because people expect you to.  You will never live up to the expectations of others ... never ... so stop trying right now.  Instead, spend your time and energy with people who genuinely love and care about you, and engaging in healthy, esteem building, soul strengthening pursuits ... things that don't just make you feel good, but make you feel good about yourself.


Myth #3:  I sing and entertain well, so therefore I must be good at everything I do.

Reality:  I'm as much of a clown as the next guy.  I do some things well, but I can really screw things up too.  I've said the wrong things, done the wrong things, bought the wrong things, sold the wrong things ... the list could go on and on.  Just like John Mayer, I'm learning to accept the good with the bad.  I can't expect that I'll do everything right.  I just have to learn to be proud of what I can do well, and work on the things I can fix.

What you can learn:  You're going to screw up.  A lot.  And often.  But you know what?  It's okay ... because you weren't created to be perfect.  Only one person has held that title in all of history: Jesus Christ.  I think it's by design that we can't be perfect.  If we were, or thought we were, we'd probably rely on God less and less.  I'm going to encourage you to do what I'm learning to do: focus on the good things you do for others, or on the things you're good at.  When you get a negative thought about something you said or did, write it down, determine where the illogical thought(s) came from, then write down a rational response to yourself.  For example, lets say you set your alarm for p.m. instead of a.m., which caused you to oversleep and be late for work.  If you're like me, your first thought is "Oh, how can I be so stupid?  I'm such and idiot, and I'm going to be late for work.  I just started working there too, this is going to make me look like such a fool!"  Late or not, that's an overreaction and over-generalizing statement.  After determining that, and thinking about the situation rationally instead of emotionally, I can respond to those emotions by saying "I made a simple mistake.  Setting my alarm wrong does not make me stupid.  Being late for work, regardless of how long I've worked there, does not make me a fool, or irresponsible."  Think on that for awhile.

The end.  God bless you, and good night.

 ^"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
James 1:26-27, New International Version

I've learned a few things in life.  Not a lot, but a few.  One of the things I've learned is this: when you're feeling down ... when you're experiencing pain ... when you've tied the last knot at the end of your rope ... go help someone else.  Spend some of your time volunteering.  Call a friend that you know is hurting and try to help them through it.  Go visit a retirement center.  Or the children's wing in a hospital.  Do something that has nothing to do with your problems, your issues, or your pain.  I'm pretty good at dwelling on stuff.  If it were an Olympic sport I'd be a shoe-in for at least the silver medal ... maybe gold.  There have been times however when I've been able to do what I'm suggesting that you do.  I've been able to pick myself up enough to go help others.  One of my places of choice is the Volunteers of America.

Our local VOA houses homeless people of all types ... singles, families, Veterans, addicts ... they don't discriminate.  I've been over there about six or seven times in the past two years.  Each time I go I take my guitar ... play a bit ... talk a bit ... play a little bit more.  Each time I've gone, without fail, I didn't want to go.  There was something going on in my life that seemed more important at the time.  But each time I went, I got more out of the night than probably any one.  You see ... it's guaranteed ... you will always reap what you sow.

The first night I went there to sing and minister to the residents, something happened that changed my life.  I was playing a song called "And Then Some" by Eric Durrance.  It's a song the tells the story of a young man thinking of ending his life, until he's approached by a Vietnam Vet who breaks it down for him.  He convinced the kid to keep trying.  The kid eventually ends up volunteering at a homeless shelter.  It's a beautiful song ... one I've played many times.  Halfway through the song, a young girl sitting on the floor in the back of the room got up, and walked out of the room crying.  I had no idea what was going on with her.  After I was done for the night, an employee of the VOA brought the girl up to meet me.  Her name is Robin.  The night I was there happened to be the three year anniversary of her mother dying.  Well ... she was actually killed ... by her husband, Robin's father.  If that wasn't bad enough, her dad made her watch as he killed her mother.  I don't how someone would move on from that kind of an experience ... I really don't.  Robin ran away, and ended up at the VOA.  That same night ... the anniversary of her mother being murdered by her father ... the night I happen to show up to sing a few songs ... was the night that Robin planned on ending her own life.  Halfway through an obscure country song being sung by a 'regular Joe' from Lansing, Michigan, she changed her mind.  Really?  It was very hard for me to believe that I caused her to change her mind ... or at the very least, a song that I was singing caused her to change her mind ... but it did.  Once again God used the unusable to do His work.

I'm not a big fan of the word 'religion', but that's the word that James chose to use in the verses above.  Do you want to do something that will please God?  Do you want to put your money where your Christian mouth is?  Go help the needy.  Go pray for an orphan.  Go love the unlovable.  Just go do something that will take your eyes off of you.  And yes, I know ... as in I KNOW ... that it's so much easier to say it than it is to do it.  I live it every day.  However, the day's where I've been able to muster up the energy to get beyond myself ... well ... it never fails ... God shows up.


The link directly below is to a song I wrote the day after that night I first sang at the VOA.  I hope you take a minute to listen to it.  The second link is a recording I did of "And Then Some."  I hope you'll listen to that as well.  Thank you to Eric and Rachel for helping out with the recordings.

God bless you, and good night.

"The VOA Song" written by Joe Wright, copyright 2009

"And Then Some" as performed by Eric Durrance, written by three Vietnam Veterans.
(I do not own a copyright to this song)

Forever I Will Be With You

I'll worship at Your throne
Whisper my own love song
With all my heart I'll sing
For You my Dad and King
I'll live for all my days
To put a smile on Your face
And when we finally meet
It'll be for eternity

And oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost
And You said that all You feel for me
Is undying love
Then You showed me through the cross

I'll worship You my God
I'll worship You my God
I love You
I love You
Forever I will sing
Forever I will be with You
Be with You
 

"Forever" by Hillsong United

I'm singing a song at church this weekend called "For the Sake of the Call".  Of course, I've been listening to it over and over so that I'm able to 'bring it' the best I can.  On my iPod the song immediately following that song is "Forever" by Hillsong United.  (side note: if you haven't exposed yourself to the worship music put out by the Hillsongs church from Australia, you're missing out ... you need to get their music ... seriously.)  So throughout the week, and this morning, I've been listening to both songs.  This morning however I've been fixated on "Forever".  Maybe because it's such and intimate conversation between the songwriter and God.  The opening verse gives me chills, in a good way, every time I hear it.  Take a few minutes and listen to the song by clicking on the video below.

"I'll worship at your throne, whisper my own love song.
With all my heart I'll sing, to you my Dad and King."

If you're not one who loves to sing, and who has spent countless hours singing to God, those first few lines may not hit you like they hit me.  I can't count the number of times I've whispered to God in song how much I love Him.  Some days a whisper is all I can summon.  Those are the tough days ... the sad days ... the days where oppression is the ruling emotion.  Then there are the days where I sing with all my heart.  Those are the confident days ... days where I feel loved and accepted.  I'm pretty sure on those days my singing shakes the gates of hell ... and it should!

"I'll live for all my days, to put a smile on your face.
And when we finally meet, it'll be for eternity."


I can't wait for that day!  I'm ashamed to admit there are times I wish 'that day' would come right NOW, but God has his own plan and his own timing.  I can only hope between now and then that the way I live, and love, puts a smile on his face.

"And oh how wide You open up Your arms when I need Your love.
And how far You would come if ever I was lost.
And You said that all You feel for me is undying love.
Then You showed me through the cross."

How far has God come for you?  For me he had to travel through 21 years of selfish living, and stupid choices, insecurity, and low self esteem.  Not an easy journey for many, but for God, it was a piece o' cake.  He doesn't get hung up on the things that we do.  And when He found me, he told me that all he has for me is His undying love.  Wow ... undying?  I guess that means it will never end.  But if that wasn't enough, he pointed me to his son Jesus, and showed me how much He loved me by sending him to die on the cross ... for me.  Have you ever known such love?  Has anyone ever died for you?  When the reality of that hit me, like the writer of the song, all I could sing was ...


"I'll worship you my God, I'll worship you my God.
I love you, I love you."


I hope your relationship with God isn't a casual, part-time, when it's convenient relationship.  I hope you realize how far He came for you.  I hope you spend enough time with him to feel His undying love.  I hope once you experience that love, the only thing you can do is fall to your knees and worship him, and tell him how much you love him.  You'll feel vulnerable, but that's okay ... it won't kill you.


Dear God ... I love you more than I know how to say, explain, or show.  I know I'm not the best example on the planet of what a Christian should be, but I don't think I'm the worst either.  Thank you for coming all this way to find me, and to show me your undying love.  As a result, 'forever I will be with you.'  Thank you for Jesus, and the cross.  Amen.

Random Thoughts ...

Some days I find it very difficult to focus on things ... on any thing for that matter.  Today is one of those days.  I'm not sure of the reason.  I suppose I could point to a few things, but that won't change how distracted I feel.  So if you don't mind, I'm going to break from the norm a bit.  I don't have a Bible verse to speak about, because I just can't focus enough to find one, and then think and meditate on it enough to come up with anything worthwhile to share.  Instead I'm going to start firing off random thoughts (which is so easy for me to do), mixing in a few random questions as well.  Take it all for what it's worth.  I have no idea what's going to follow here in the next paragraph or six, but I pray that God would use my scattered brain to touch the life of someone tonight.  After all Jesus, it's all about you.  Here goes nothing ...

How do you look at yourself spiritually?  Are you a Christian?  Do you know what that term means?  I think I do, however I'd rather describe myself as a follower of Christ, or a believer.  The term Christian has been so watered down, but if someone tells me they're a Christ follower ... well ... that sends a whole different message to me.

I think a lot of things are easier said than done.  That's why I try to choose my words very carefully when speaking to someone else about a sensitive or troubling issue.  I tend to believe that most people don't.  I believe it's more common for someone to speak without thinking than it is for them to do the opposite.  Think about that for awhile ...

You're only as good as your word.  If you tell someone something ... maybe something you'll do for them, or commit to, you better do it.  I understand forgiveness, but integrity means a lot to me.

What's your take on praying?  Do you think it's worth your time?  I hope you do.  I'm not talking about thanking God for your dinner, or the "now I lay me down to sleep ..." prayers.  I'm talking about you and God getting alone together, away from the noise of the day, and away from others ... just you and Him, spending quality time together.  I don't care if it's 5 minutes or 5 hours, you and God need to spend time together every day.  It's the only way you'll get to know him.

Have you ever been let down?  Has someone close to you ... a spouse, or family member, or friend ... not lived up to the impossible expectations you placed upon them ... without them knowing it?  So by them not living up to those expectations, did they really let you down?  I guess when I look at it that way, the answer would have to be no.  I don't know who I expect more from, the people around me, or me.  The sad thing is, no one will ever live up to those expectations ... I certainly won't ... because we're all human.  Knowing that still doesn't make it easier to deal with, at least not immediately.  Maybe it will over time.

Is knowledge really power?

Why do we park in the driveway, and drive on a parkway?  Just curious ...

Do you give God as much credit for the good things that happen in life as you do the blame for the bad things that happen in life?  The Bible says all good things come from God.  If you haven't made it a habit, start thanking him now for all the good things that happen to you, regardless of how big or small they may seem.

I'm at a crossroads in my life right now concerning my passion for music.  I have people telling me weekly what they think I should do.  I don't know what to do ...at the moment it just doesn't seem that important to me.  Guess I can add this to a long list of "I don't know what to do's".

So how do I wrap this up, and make it all worthy of being posted to the Chasing God blog site?  I can start by saying this ... you now know a little bit more about me, and there should be no doubt in your mind that I'm just a regular guy trying to do his best in life.  I may write well, and (most of the time) organize my thoughts well, but I'm just as confused and lost as the next person in a lot of ways.  I'm obsessive, and compulsive, and I love deeply ... too much at times it seems, and I'm fiercely loyal, and I don't concentrate well.  I tend to learn things the hard way.  I've drawn people into my life and I've pushed people away.  I've loved too much and cared too little.  I think too much and talk too much.  Like I said, I'm just a normal person.  Normal meaning we all deal with things like these, if not worse.  By now you're asking where the 'wrap up' is aren't you?  Here it is: in spite of how normal or abnormal we are, and in spite of the mistakes we make, the dumb things we say, and thoughtless things we do, God still loves us.  God loves you.  A lot.  He even loves me.  I want so bad to really feel His love, like I would from a person sitting next to me.  You see, people who love me let me down.  I let them down.  God will never let either of us down ... ever. 

If you haven't done so already, turn your imperfect, letting-others-down self over to Him.  He's waiting with open arms.  Life won't become perfect after you make a commitment to God, but I'd rather go through the pains of life with Him on my side than without.  I'm sure you'll agree some day too.  God bless you.  Good night.

One more random thought ... here's the song I'm singing at church this weekend.  If you're not busy, come by Trinity Church at 6 pm on Saturday, or 9:00 and 11:00 am on Sunday.

"Open up before God, keep nothing back; he'll do whatever needs to be done:
He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon."
Psalm 37:5-6, The Message

One of the most liberating days of my walk with the Lord was the day I truly realized He knew it all.  He knows my thoughts, and how I feel ... my strengths and weaknesses ... my successes and failures.  God knows it all.  Before I learned the reality of that statement I acted like I was the only one who knew about me.

"He'll validate your life ..."

Isn't that really what we all want?  I think that desire is at the heart of all we do ... we want our lives to be validated.  We want what we do to mean something.  I think we all go about it in different ways ...

... the young professional want his or her boss to validate their contribution to the company.

... the business owner wants his or her peers to validate their contribution to the community.

... the stay at home mom and wife wants her husband and those around her to validate her contribution to the family and to society.

It seems like such a simple need doesn't it?  It may be simple, but it's so important.  Without it, a sense of worthlessness can overtake a persons soul.

"And stamp you with approval ..."

I think we desire this just as much, if not more than the need to feel validated.  To be validated by those around us makes us feel important, useful, and part of the team.  We feel like we're actually contributing to the overall good of something.  But to be approved of ... how do I even begin to explain what this means to someone?

I could share countless stories from my own life explaining the need to feel validated and approved of.  That would be easy ... all I'd have to do is tell you about my life.  You see, for most of it ... most being 90% of it or more ... I've spent it seeking the approval of others.  Don't feel sorry for me though ... you've done the same thing.  Maybe you've moved on from the bondage of living that way, and if you have, I'm happy for you, but there are people around you who still struggle with it.

I'll forgo the stories today.  Quite honestly, I don't feel like re-living any of them right now.  I know at times I need to, because I know that my experiences benefit others ... but not today.  Instead I'm going to focus on the fact ... yes, the fact ... that God approves of me ... so much so that he stamped His approval on me at 'high noon', and validated me 'in the clear light of day' for everyone to see.  He's not ashamed of me, or embarrassed of me.  He wants everyone to know that He's proud of me, and proud to call me His son.  So instead of re-living another one of my stories this morning, and while we're focusing on how much God loves and approves of us, why don't we think about who we can show that to.  Make a list of people ... your kids, your spouse, your mom or dad, brother or sister, your friends ... whose lives you can make a difference today with just a simple phrase ... I love you, and I'm proud to be part of your life.  Do it today ... you've got until noon.

Ready ... set ... go.

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."
Luke 9:23, New International Version

How do you outrun a memory
Can we both move on and let each other go
Living with you has been hard on me
I know that I'd be better off on my own

I packed a bag and left a few
I'm gonna make it, if it's the last thing I do
Because the only way to save myself from me
Is to let you go ... and outrun your memory

We've been together long enough
So long I did not recognize the hurt
Leaving you for me it won't be easy
But hanging 'round will only make things worse

I packed a bag and left a few
I'm gonna make it, if it's the last thing I do
Because the only way to save myself from me
Is to let you go ...

I'm gonna take the road less traveled
Move straight ahead and not look back

Because the only way to save myself from me
It's gonna hurt but this is how it's gotta be
The only way to save myself from me
Is to let you go ... and outrun your memory

Outrun Your Memory by Joe Wright

I think we've all heard the expression that "we're our own worst critic".  Maybe you've said, or have heard someone say that "I'm my own worst enemy."  I'm both, but through God's grace I'm learning to be different, to look at myself differently, and to leave the past behind.

When Jesus called His disciples, they had to do the same thing.  They had to look at themselves differently.  Some went from being mere fishermen, to being fishers of men.  They also had to leave their past behind ... their occupations behind ... even their families behind.  When God called me to follow Him, I didn't quit my job.  I didn't have to leave my family.  I didn't have to move to another country, or sell my house, or change my name.  There was one thing I did have to leave behind ... one person actually: me.  When you become born again God calls you a new 'creature', the old is gone and all things become new (my paraphrase).  However, some people like to hold on to the past ... even if it's painful.

I lived for many years with consistent physical pain.  I've lived a few years with consistent emotional pain.  Here's what I've learned about both: the body and mind can adapt, and get used to pain.  It doesn't mean the pain goes away ... you just get used to it.  It becomes normal ... even comfortable ... and familiar.  The things we're comfortable with and familiar with are the easiest things to hold on to, and gravitate towards ... even pain.  Sadness.  Depression.  Loneliness.  Despair.  Shame.  Embarrassment.

I wrote the song above as a reminder to myself to let those things go.  The memory of painful experience after painful experience was holding me back.  I was trapped inside myself, clutching on to the pain of those memories.  I had to learn to deny myself, and the baggage I was carrying around with me if I was ever going to move on.  I remember re-living one of the most painful memories with a few friends at a bar in Lansing (I wonder how many of you I just lost ... yup ... I occasionally sing in bars).  I was doing an acoustic gig on a Wednesday night for local social hour sponsored by our local Shopping District.  Some friends from school decided to come and support me.  For the last four years I had really gotten used to playing with my band behind me, so it was nice to see a few friendly faces in the crowd for one of the few solo gigs I've done during those four years.  It wasn't a paying gig ... unless you count a plate of nachos and a few diet Pepsi's getting paid.  So when I was done I joined my old classmates and waited for my nachos.  Two of the friends were sisters.  The older of the two kept jokingly referring to herself as Sasha, so that's what I'll call her.  Somehow after a few minutes the conversation had gotten to me talking about the first-day-of-third-grade-stuttering incident.  I told Sasha how this kid called me stupid because I couldn't say my name.  She asked if I knew where he lived because she was gonna go get revenge for me.  I think she was serious.  Actually, I know she was.  The memory of that kid calling me stupid was one I carried with me for a very long time.  It was the memory of that morning, my first day of third grade, the led to writing this song.

I don't know if I've "made it" ... but I will ... if it's the last thing I do.  And Sasha, if by chance you read this some day ... good looking out my friend.  God bless and good night.

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today ..."
Hebrews 3:13, New International Version

I hope you can all be a little patient with me ... maybe even a tad forgiving ... for keeping things short tonight, or today, whenever you read this.  I've been spending most of the night touching up my resume and drafting a cover letter for a job opportunity I'm interested in.  If I get it, I'll share more with you at that time.  Right now I still need to keep it on the "D.L."

Many of you know me as a talker.  I'm pretty quick to pick up a phone to call someone to say hello.  I like to write, and e-mail, and I.M., and text, but I do love a real, live conversation.  When one of my nieces was just a young girl ... maybe around the age of 10 or so ... I would call her once every few weeks or so ... maybe once a month.  She wouldn't talk at all.  An occasional "uh huh", or "yep", but not much more than that.  Then again, she was 10.  I kept calling her on a regular basis her whole life, and still do to this day ... she's 22.  Every once in a while she even answers.  Last night after I posted my blog she posted a wonderful comment about it in the facebook thread.  We 'saw' each other on facebook around 11 pm or later, and chatted with each other for over an hour.  I loved it!  It made my day that much better, but even as much as I loved chatting with her, it will never replace talking with her on the phone or in person.  She has a way of encouraging me just by loving me as her uncle.

Who are you encouraging?  Who is the person, or persons, in your life that are you investing in by calling them!?  Texting doesn't count, even if you are using a phone.  Sometimes people need to hear a voice ... I know I do.  When I'm down, or struggling, or even when I'm flat out excited about something, I want to TALK to someone about it ... not text, or send an e-mail that might get answered in a day or two.  So I call, and if people don't like it ... oh well :)  If you aren't the kind of person to do that ... to encourage others ... to send them a card, or make a phone call, or God forbid to stop at their house unannounced with lunch or a cup of coffee ... change.  It's easy ... you can do it!

The message below was sent to me today from someone who reads "Chasing God".  It was great to open up my facebook inbox and see this.  I'd been writing boring stuff for over two hours and needed a break.  What a break this was!  I wrote the person back thanking them for the kind words and encouragement.  I have to get back to the boring stuff now, but wanted to take a minute to share this, and to encourage you all to enjoy the chase!  God bless.


"Thanks for the help and insight Joe, I really appreciate it.

When I was growing up, our family rarely went Church and when I mean rarely, I mean lucky to hit an Easter here or there. As a matter of fact, I can't remember a single time that my Dad attended Church. I didn't get off to a good start, but I know that the Holy Spirit has always dwelled inside me.

I was actually Baptized as a Catholic about seven years ago, but I felt that the Catholic Religion was more about particular rituals and being told scripture, instead of being encouraged to learn more about a personal relationship with God.

The blog is great and is a pleasure to read. You are able incorporate scripture, story and song, which is easy to relate to and understand. Plus, from what I've read so far, we are similar in a lot of ways.

We've all done things in the past that we regret and it's easy to beat yourself up about it, but you are a very talented guy that should be proud of contributing to the lives of others, like myself.

Reading your blog has really helped me to change my thought process and has given me the desire to handover the reins to God and let him direct me down the path that he has set out for me, because I'm tired of trying to drive and worry about things that I've done and things I can't control.

Thanks again and I look forward to the chase! God Bless!"

^"1 My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. ² Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. ³ If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” ⁴ have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?  ⁵ Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? ⁶ But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? ⁷ Are they not the ones who are blaspheming the noble name of him to whom you belong?  ⁸ If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. ⁹ But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers."

James 2:1-9, New International Version

Love your neighbor as yourself.  Makes sense doesn't it?  Most people are in love with themselves.  They'd do anything for themselves.  They think of themselves before they think of anyone else.  At least those who haven't been fooled into thinking that loving themselves is wrong.  Not the prideful, arrogant love that the secular world knows.  I'm talking about the genuine, I've-been-created-in-God's-image sort of love.  That's how we're supposed to love ourselves.

False guilt impresses no one.  Blatant, outward shame of oneself will not attract quality, loving, or lasting friendships.  Re-living the past through repeatedly apologizing for things that others have long since forgotten about will not make you more lovable.  Do you want to attract friends?  Do you want to keep those that you have?  Love yourself.  I don't know how to tell you to go about doing that ... I'm approaching the first step of that steep learning curve myself.  I'd start with this though ... God sent his only son Jesus to die for you, and for me, so that we might get to spend eternity with Him.  That's how much God loves us.  If my sinful, selfish, arrogant, worthless life was worth Jesus being put to death ... then I'm worth loving ... and it begins with me.  I know I'll get there.

As we're learning to love ourselves, we need to continue loving others.  That's been easy for me.  I tend to put the needs and concerns of others before myself.  It's easy for me to tell my wife, or a family member, or my dogs, or a close friend "I love you."  For whatever reason, that comes natural to me.  Loving ourselves, and loving others is the cornerstone of avoiding being judgmental.  Judgmental Christians annoyed James ... annoyed him enough that he called them out in the second chapter.  The day you start thinking you're better than others simply because of what you have ... my friend, you've lost your way.  I'm not telling you to sell everything you own and live a pauper's life.  I'm simply encouraging you to love people, in spite of how they may look, or because of what they don't have.

In the video above I'm singing a song called "I Lost it All."  It's about a homeless man who came on hard times.  His family was killed in a car accident while he was driving.  His life fell apart, and he eventually lost everything.  A passerby ignored the man every day on his way to work, until one day he saw him on the news.  The next day he picked him up, and was intent on helping him.  The passerby realizes how easily that could be him standing on the side of the road, and it changes him.

You don't have to pick up every homeless person you see and help them find a job, or buy them a meal.  Maybe you can volunteer at a shelter some time ... or a local food bank ... or soup kitchen.  God calls us to love the disadvantaged and the underprivileged.  I'm not the best at doing that, but I've done a lot, and it's always been very rewarding.  Watch the video above, and ask yourself who you can help.  But for the grace of God, there goes us.  God bless you.  Good night.

But if I say, “I will not mention his word
   or speak anymore in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire,
   a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
   indeed, I cannot.
I hear many whispering,
   “Terror on every side!
   Denounce him! Let’s denounce him!”
All my friends are waiting for me to slip, saying,
“Perhaps he will be deceived; then we will prevail over him
   and take our revenge on him.”  But the LORD is with me like a mighty warrior;
   so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail.
They will fail and be thoroughly disgraced;
   their dishonor will never be forgotten.
LORD Almighty, you who examine the righteous
   and probe the heart and mind,
let me see your vengeance on them,
   for to you I have committed my cause.
Jeremiah 20:9-12, New International Version (emphasis mine)

The verses above come from a prayer that Jeremiah was offering up to God.  Jeremiah wasn't liked much by the people of Judah.  After all, he was the one called by God to come and expose their sinful life, and to warn them of God's pending judgment.  It's typical though isn't it?  I don't care if it's Jeremiah a few thousand years ago, or the cocky kid running his mouth in the 9th grade ... if someone is saying something the majority doesn't like, that person isn't well liked, and may want to watch their back.

I've been in that position more than once.  One event that stands out among the rest was a staff meeting at one of my former employers.  A member of the management team was giving a talk on the benefits of social networking as it related to business.  I found it interesting that a senior member of the company was telling his much younger staff about the power of facebook.  He encouraged us to set up an account, then go out and search for our clients and ask them to be our 'friends'.  He felt it would be a great way to stay in touch with them, thus leading to more work.

I had a hard time believing he was serious.  I had actually avoided doing that ... I had intentionally 'ignored' requests from clients, in order to maintain the integrity of our business relationship.  Back before I started blogging I spent most of my time on facebook bashing the liberal, political left.  Can you imagine what a left leaning client might think of that?  My hunch is that it would prevent us from getting a project, or at the very least, keep me from working on their project.  I raised this concern in the meeting, and explained the scenario I just described.  The gentleman explaining the benefits of social networking didn't appear to like it.  I'm not sure the management team liked it when I posed questions to them ... I feel they would have been happier if I were a robotic 'yes' man ... I just don't know how to be that way.  Anyway, they seemed to brush aside my concern with mixing a professional relationship with a gossip laden facebook relationship.  Can you imagine if someone saw a profile picture of one our structural engineers slamming back a 40 oz of Bud Light while on an ice fishing trip, all the while thinking "wow ... that's the guy who designs my bridges."  I found out about a week later that the management team had met again on this subject, and admitted that I was right, and that maybe mixing the two wasn't such a good idea.  Of course, they could never tell me that.  I had to hear it second hand.

A few months after that during one of my performance reviews I was told that I could no longer ask questions in our staff meetings.  They never explained why, but I assume it was due to the facebook incident.  My first response was "Great, so that means I don't have to go."  My boss told me no, and that I still had to attend.  I asked why I couldn't ask questions.  He told me that my questions seemed to lower the moral of other staff members.  Could someone please tell me how that works?   I really don't understand how a question could lower moral.  I can, however, understand how a lame, half baked answer could lower moral.  That was just one of many times I was attacked, or as Jeremiah puts it, persecuted by my former employer.


After thinking about that for awhile, it dawned on me: this isn't my blog.  It's Gods ... I'm just the mouthpiece.  I can't change anyone.  I can't affect any one's life ... only God can.  All I'm doing is directing readers like you to look towards Him.  Don't look to me because I'll screw it up, and will most likely let you down.  God will never let you down ... never, ever, ever.  I may be the one behind the keyboard, but I've committed this to God ... this is His work, not mine.  As Jeremiah said about his ministry, "I am weary of holding it in; indeed I cannot ... my persecutors ... will fail ... for to You I have committed my cause."  You see ... it's not "on me" ... this is God's deal.  He's allowed me to play a role, but it's all in His hands.

What are you doing that you've committed to Him?  What are you doing that has led to people attacking you, or to persecute you?  Maybe you're a business owner trying to do the right thing.  Maybe you're a stay at home mom trying raise your kids.  Maybe you've been recently laid off like I was, and you're trying to figure it all out.  Maybe you have a neighbor that treats you poorly for no reason at all.  Maybe you're faced with making a decision that you don't want to make but you know it's the right thing to do in the long run.  What ever you're facing, you don't have to face it alone.  Commit it to God.  Give it up to Him.  If you struggle with doing that, just keep trying.  I know I have to ... daily ... hourly.  God has promised to watch over you, and protect you, and to cause those who rise up against you to fail.  He's crazy in love with you.  Good night, and God bless you.

"The human mind is the most deceitful of all things. It is incurable.
No one can understand how deceitful it is."
Jeremiah 17:9

I daydream for hours it seems
I keep thinkin' of you, yeah, thinkin' of you
These daydreams, what do they mean?
They keep haunting me, are they warning me?

Daylight turns into night
We try and find the answer but it's nowhere in sight
It's always the same and you know who's to blame
You know what I'm sayin', still we keep on playing

Head games, that's all I get from you
Head games, and I can't take it anymore
Head games, don't wanna play the...
Head games 

Excerpt from "Head Games" by Foreigner


Isn't it crazy what our minds can do to us?  The games it can play with our emotions?  The poor guy who wrote this song (it's okay to reference a Foreigner song in a Christian blog right?  Oh well ...) was obviously in a relationship where his woman was playing head games with him, but if he's anything like me, his mind was probably doing most of the work.

The mind can be deceitful, as the scripture says.  In fact, if I scroll back up to read it, I believe it says its "the most deceitful of all things."  The most deceitful?  I'd say that's pretty bad ... pretty bad indeed.  Then it goes on to say that it's incurable.  Sounds pretty definite to me ... pretty 'final'.  It's been awhile since I've reminded you all of this: I'm not a pastor.  I've had no theological training whatsoever.  I simply love Jesus.  So, that being said, here's my take on this verse.

The mind is where our emotions come from.  The fleeting emotions like happiness, and sadness.  Being excited, and being let down.  Being nervous, or being confident.  That all comes from our mind.  Our spirit is where joy comes from ... and peace ... and self control.  The Bible refers to those as "fruits of the Spirit."  Being happy is far different than being joyful.  Being confident is not even related to being at peace.  You see, our minds can be easily manipulated.  I've always learned this the hard way, and so often, I could have earned a PhD in it.  And if I know scripture the way I think I do, our mind is also the only part of us that the enemy can get to, which is why he can play 'head games' with us, and with our emotions all of the time.  Remember from past blogs, he is tenacious, and persistent.  He won't give up, so we can't either.

What he can't get to is our spirit, or Spirit with a capital S ... however you want to look at it.  For me, when I talk about my spirit, I'm referring to both ... my spirit which is part of me, part of who I am, part of my soul which contains a persons spirit ... and the Holy Spirit, who dwells within me, and who is a member of the Trinity (God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and God the Holy Spirit).  From what I've learned, and what I think I know (speaking to those who have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior), the enemy can not touch your soul, or spirit.  He can't because that's where God the Holy Spirit resides.  He can't read your mind or know your thoughts.  He can only hear what you and I say, and he's the master at using our words and confessions against us.   It's up to us to recognize that, and to stop it before it goes too far and becomes a destructive force in our life.

Some of you know me well enough to be thinking right now about a pot calling a kettle black ... and you're justified in thinking that.  I know that my mind is a powerful thing ... and at times it's a raging, self-defeating machine, hell bent on destroying my soul and spirit.  Many times over the years it's gotten close to doing just that.  That's when God intervenes.  He knows how much I can take, and He never lets me get past that point.  It's been one heck of a learning process, and one that I'm still going through, so for those of you who may be thinking about the pot and the kettle ... well ... I don't know if I'm quite "there" yet, but I'm still trying.

The verse ends by telling us that we'll never understand why our mind is this way.  If that's the case, then it's time we quit trying to figure it out ... me included.  It's also time to stop letting our emotions control us ... me included.  It's time we start asking God to give us peace, and self control, and joy, and patience, and leave the roller coaster, emotional lives we've been living behind us ... me included.  I know it's easier said than done, but we have to start somewhere right?  We have to start the belief process somewhere, and if after we start it, we fail now and again, then we fail.  The people in your life who love you for all the right reasons will look beyond it, and will continue to stick by you.  The ones who don't ... oh well!  I don't know about you but I've been afraid to speak these words, and afraid to step out in faith to claim the joy that's mine because I've been afraid I'd fail.  I was afraid to tell anyone that I'm through living a self-defeating life for fear of not being able to follow through ... I didn't want to let them down ... or worse, let myself down again.  It was easier to hold on to the misery ... I knew what that was like ... I was comfortable with that pain.

I've been spending the last week wearing out a positive affirmation cd that my psychologist recommended to me a few years ago, listening over and over to the statements being spoken on it ... trying to change my thought process.  Here are some of the statements I've been listening to ...

... when I see that I can love and appreciate myself, take time to take care of myself, stick up for myself, I am giving myself a powerful message to feel well.


... I understand that the time to be motivated by guilt, fear, and resentment is over ... now is the time to do things out of love and celebration, and the joy of self expression.


... I call upon my intention to heal myself and stay well ... I engage my powerful will to assist me in doing this.

Those are just a few of them.  The audio is 22 minutes in length, and over the past few years has been the single most effective tool in combating my depression.  Some have chuckled at the thought of listening to it ... some have dismissed it as psycho-babble.  I have two things to say to them.  First, I've listened to it countless times and it's all based on Scripture.  Second ... oh well.

I don't know if this is reaching someone other than me.  Sometimes I have to write just to get myself to think differently.  I hope it's helping someone else.  If it's speaking to you, as I've said before, you can know that you're not alone in your struggles.  Next to God, I'm right here with you.  God bless.