After burying his father, Joseph went back to Egypt. All his brothers who had come with him to bury his father returned with him. After the funeral, Joseph's brothers talked among themselves: "What if Joseph is carrying a grudge and decides to pay us back for all the wrong we did him?" So they sent Joseph a message, "Before his death, your father gave this command: Tell Joseph, 'Forgive your brothers' sin—all that wrongdoing. They did treat you very badly.' Will you do it? Will you forgive the sins of the servants of your father's God?"  When Joseph received their message, he wept.
Genesis 50:14-17, The Message

The subheading of my blog explains how the purpose of the what I write is to share the "struggles I face ... while chasing after God."  Tonight, I'm going to be very open and transparent about the most difficult of those struggles.  I hope and pray that sharing it will in some way help someone.  I don't know what the answer is to the problem I'm going to write about.  I don't know how to overcome this struggle that seems to win the fight more than I care to admit.  I do know however, the God who does, and who can.  As you read this, if by chance you happen to be one of the friends or family I discuss later, I hope when you finish reading this that my life and the actions I take at times will make a little more sense.  Thank you for being gracious and forgiving of me time and again. ~ Joe

After church last night, my wife and I went out to dinner with two friends.  As hard as it may be to believe this, I somewhat dominated the conversation over the course of the five hours we spent at the "Lodge".  It started with our friend "Patty" asking me how my new job was going.  I answered the question, which led to talking about my past employer, which led to talking about some of the crap I went through and was accused of during my nine and a half years there, which led to talking about the place I worked at before them, which led to talking about how I was recently misled in a business deal, which led to talking about how others have attacked me over the past few years ... a few doing just about all they could to discredit me and ruin my reputation.  Towards the end of the conversation Patty asked me, "What do you think the reason is for you going through all of that?"  All the things we talked about never seemed like much while they were happening, but once I started recalling them one after another, they certainly seemed to add up.

I didn't know how to answer her.  I suppose some of it was due to people just being people.  Maybe it was all part of the spiritual battle that every Believer goes through.  I don't know.  I'd like to think I'm a pretty decent guy.  I certainly have my issues, and hang-ups, and character flaws, but overall I think the good out weighs the bad, so I don't know why I had to endure that 'stuff'.  And not just me, but my wife was dragged into some of it as well.  Maybe it was payback, because over the course of my lifetime, as many people have, I've made my share of mistakes ...

I've talked bad about people.
I've been rude.
I've been inconsiderate.
I've let my anger get the best of me.
I've broken promises.
I've promised people that I'd change and I haven't.
I've been jealous.
I've been envious.
I've hated.
I've been mean, and intentionally cruel.
I've cheated and lied.
I've taken things that weren't mine.
I've initiated problems.
I've instigated arguments.
I've manipulated circumstances.
I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting ...

The Bible refers to this as sin ... falling short of the glory of God.  I wish I could go back and tell everyone I'm sorry.  I've tried with some, but simply telling someone "I'm sorry" never seems like it's enough.  How can you deliberately hurt someone and expect to eradicate the pain that you've caused simply by speaking those three words: I am sorry?  I wish I could go back and return the five cent piece of candy I stole when I was 7 years old, because that led to stealing again ... and again ... and again.  I wish I could go back in time and fulfill all of the promises I made.  If only I could erase from my past the times I cheated in school, and lied to my parents, and have been jealous of friends.  Why is it that when I screwed up in the past it always seem to affect or hurt the people I cared about the most ... best friends ... and family?

Joseph's brothers treated him horribly.  They hated the fact that their father seemed to love him more than he loved them.  He was daddy's little boy.  To make matters worse he told his brothers of a dream he had, how one day he would rule over them.  In those times, the youngest brother could never hope to rule anything.  The first born was the big dog ... period.  So one day while they were traveling away from home, they decided to throw Joseph in a well.  They left him there for dead.  When they returned home, they told their father that he had been killed.  Joseph was later found and rescued from the well only to be sold into slavery by his rescuer.  He was a good slave ... loyal and trustworthy, and his master eventually put Joseph in charge of his entire estate.  Things were going good until his master's wife decided she wanted to have an affair with Joseph.  When he told her no, as any loyal servant would, she cried rape, and he was put in jail.

Joseph was a model prisoner and eventually became the number two man in the jail, second only to the captain of the guard.  His big break came when two of Pharaoh's servants were sentenced to prison because they couldn't interpret one of his dreams.  Joseph just happened to be there when they arrived, and was able to do what they couldn't.  Eventually - about two years later - he was taken to Pharaoh and became his number one man.  Fast forward a few years to when a famine was destroying Joseph's homeland.  His father and brothers had exhausted all of their resources, so they came to Egypt to beg Pharaoh's help.  Joseph was the one they had to talk to.  Though they didn't recognize Joseph, he immediately recognized his brothers.  Every evil thing they ever did to him came rushing to the forefront of his mind.  What was he going to do?  His father was old.  His family had no food.  The same family that tried to kill him was now asking for his help.

My family didn't throw me in a well.  I was never a sold as a slave.  I've never spent a minute in jail.  However, I know all too well the feeling that Joseph felt when his brothers appeared before him.  You see, my struggle isn't with people per se, but with one person in particular.  I understand and accept God's forgiveness.  I accept that Jesus paid the debt for me.  I have no problem with that at all.  I know that the people I care about the most, who I've hurt in some way, forgive me.  They must, because they still answer the phone when I call, and they let me in their house when I stop by.  My darkest, most difficult struggle however is trying to accept and receive forgiveness from that one person ... and that person is me.

I know how Joseph felt when he saw his brothers.  I feel the same at times when I look in a mirror, and begin recalling some of the things I've done and the people I've hurt.  If you've never faced that feeling, I pray that you never do.  Being unable to forgive oneself is a sentence I wouldn't wish upon anyone.  The guilt and shame I feel seems insurmountable at times, but like Joseph, I serve a God bigger than all of that.  My God is bigger than my guilt.  He's bigger than my shame.  He's bigger than my past, present, and future.  He's bigger than the mistakes I made 30 years ago, the ones I made 30 days ago, even the ones I made 30 minutes ago.  He's bigger than all of that.  The secret is to let Him in ... the secret is getting so close to Him that his shadow covers your past, making it impossible to see.

As with any struggle, the solution always seems easier said than done.  If you could indulge me again, and allow me to re-post some of the lyrics from Rascal Flatts' song "I'm Moving On", I think you'll see that the writer finally figured self forgiveness out.  I bet if I sat down with them, our stories wouldn't be that different.  I've listened to this song no less than a few hundred times trying to figure out the secret ... trying to find the answer that he or she found.  Unfortunately I've been unsuccessful.

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons 
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

... I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I wish I could have ended this on a high note.  I wish I could have put a 'happy story' book end on the back side of this post.  I don't believe that chasing God was ever meant to be easy.  I have faith however in all of His promises.  I have faith when He tells us the 'chase' is worth it.  God bless you.

"Although our sins testify against us,
   do something, LORD, for the sake of your name.
For we have often rebelled;
   we have sinned against you."
Jeremiah 14:7, New International Version

"We know that we suffer because of our sins.
       Lord, do something to help us for the good of your name.
    We have left you many times;
       we have sinned against you."
Jeremiah 14:7, New Century Version

"We know that we suffer because of our sins ..."

Sin is not the greatest of topics to talk about.  It's much easier to talk about the goodness of God, the miraculous things that He does, and the love and mercy that He extends to us on a daily basis.  I don't like talking about sin because I know I'm guilty of it.  But not just me ... don't think I've let you off the hook ... the Bible says that we've all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).  I use myself as an example because I know myself better than I know you.  Feel free to examine your own life as you read this. 

I tend to worry too often.  In the book of Matthew, chapter 6, verses 25-34 Jesus tells us not to worry.  In verse 27 He asks "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  Good point Rabbi.  It won't necessarily stop me from worrying about something later today, or tomorrow, or next month, but I understand it.  Some days I understand it and live it out more than others.  On the days where I don't, I suffer as a result.  My worry leads to anxious thoughts, and sometimes panic, and then more intense worry, and then ... I think you get the picture.  Thankfully Jesus, you've promised to be faithful to us even when we're faithless (2 Timothy 2:13). 

I've asked myself many times why that is?  Why is God so faithful to clowns like me?  We all have a reputation ... some are lucky enough to have a good one.  In my career I've worked hard for 16 plus years to establish myself at being good at what I do.  I put my clients' needs first; I treat them with honesty, even if it means disagreeing with them; I go above and beyond to make sure that they know how important their business is to me and the firms I've worked for.  As a result, I've earned a good reputation.  God doesn't have an ego to satisfy, like you and I do, but the power His name carries ... and what it means to mankind ... that's important to Him.  The last thing He's going to let happen is for His name to suffer as a result of the actions of a guy like me.  He doesn't want those around me to focus on my tendency to worry.  He wants those around me to see, IN SPITE of me, what He CAN DO with a guy like me.

"We have left you many times; we have sinned against you."

It's embarrassing how many times I've left God.  One could argue that each time I did it was intentional.  I'd argue differently.  Don't get me wrong, over the past 21 years I've had my times where I was angry with God.  Angry at circumstances, or outcomes, or at His apparent, temporary abandonment of me.  During those times, I'm the one who walked away.  Not in the "Job's-wife-curse-God-and-die" sort of way ... instead I retreated within ... stopped praying ... and reading ... and hoping ... intentionally.  Then there were the times where I thought I was doing the right thing.  I moved in a certain direction, or ventured down a specific path, thinking I was doing what I was supposed to, only to figure out later that it wasn't.  I was unintentionally outside of God's will.  It wasn't a waste of time ... I try to learn from everything ... but it wasn't what I should have been doing.

Jesus, I'm forever grateful for the cross.  I'm thankful that you came as our redemption plan, our Savior, our sin-forgiver and debt-payer.  Even though our sin testified against us, God the father chose to send you to wash us clean, and I believe, for the sake of His name as well.  I'm grateful that even when I lack faith, that you don't, for You can not disown those who have turned to you because You live in us, and you can not disown Yourself.  For a guy like me who at times seems to only know how to learn things the hard way, I'm glad for that promise.  Thank you for your faithfulness Jesus, but not just for me.  Thank you more so for those around me, for those watching and listening, even when I don't know it.  You see, nothing I say or do can make a lasting impact on anyone, but You, working in, through, and around me ... You can make an impact on their lives that can last for all eternity.  For that and scores of other reasons, I pray for more of You and less of me in my life.  I love you.  Amen.


"On the day I die
I know where I'm gonna go
Me and Jesus got that part worked out
I'll wait at the gates 'til His face I see
And stand in a long line of sinners like me"
Sinners Like Me by Eric Church

"If your message isn't touching others, it hasn't touched you."
Unknown


The best stories we'll ever hear are the true, based-on-actual-events stories.  When picking out a movie to rent, my wife and I will always choose one based on real events, or a real person's life over one based on a fictional story.  I think as human beings we have this yearning for real, authentic, even gut wrenching stories.

As a country music fan and singer, I may be biased, but I believe country music tells some of the best stories.  Some touch you, and them some straight up hit you right between the eyes.  I'm sure some songs are based on fiction, but my gut tells me that most of them were written by people who lived the story being told.

The apostle Paul, back when he was Saul, used to hunt down Christ followers, and watch as they were put to death.  One day while on the road to Damascus, Jesus blinded Saul's eyes.  For three days he couldn't see.  Jesus did a work in Saul's life ... a life changing work.  Saul committed his life to Christ, and to carry his message to the Gentiles.  Jesus changed Saul's name to Paul, and he became the man we know as the primary author of the New Testament.  Everywhere Paul went he preached Christ.  He suffered for Christ ... he was beaten for Christ ... he was locked up in jail for Christ ... but he wouldn't stop proclaiming the name of Christ.  I believe the reason that Paul was so effective at spreading the Gospel was because Paul was touched by his own story.  What happened to him on that dirt road changed his life.  Jesus touched Paul, and as a result his life was changed ... and so were the lives of countless others.

I don't know what your story is.  I don't know if you've followed Christ your whole life, or if you've never made that decision.  You may have been on this God chasing journey for several years, or only a few minutes.  I don't know.  Here's what I do know: people are watching you live out your story.  They may be close friends, or family ... they may be neighbors or complete strangers ... but make no mistake, people are watching you.  You don't have to be a Christian to make a difference in this world.  You don't have to follow Christ to affect people for the better.  I made the decision to follow Him many years ago, and I can only hope and pray if you haven't that you would too.  Whether you make that decision or not, commit to do this: live your story, believe in your story and who you are, and make a decision to make a difference in the lives of those around you.  God bless you.

Today is a milestone of sorts for Chasing God.  You are reading my 50th post.  When I started writing in November, 2010, I had no idea where this would go.  I don't have to tell you where it's gone, or how many people have read it.  The important thing is that you're reading it, and from what I've heard back from many of you, God is using the ramblings of one His humble servants to touch the lives of others.  God, you are amazing.  It's an honor and privilege to be able to share my thoughts with all of you.  It's humbling to know that it has literally spanned the globe.  I'd like to take a moment to encourage you to leave a comment at the end of a post from time to time.  I have it set up so that anyone can comment.  You don't have to have a gmail account.  Heck, you don't even have to leave your name.  I'd love to hear when something is encouraging to you, or has helped you in some way.  By doing that, you'll be encouraging the encourager.  Thank you.

I'm not sure how many of you read Proverbs.  It's a great book in the Old Testament which is conveniently broken down into 31 chapters ... one for every day of the month.  Today I was reading in Proverbs 27 and found so many powerful little nuggets of wisdom that I didn't know where to begin.  Let's start with verse 1 ...

"Don't brashly announce what you're going to do tomorrow; you don't know the first thing about tomorrow."
 Proverbs 27:1, The Message

Here's something I've written about a few times, and now it's back.  Let me clue you in on a little secret: God is not interested in what you think you're going to do tomorrow.  He's interested in you ... by all means, He's interested in you.  He's interested in your tomorrows as well ... I just don't think cares much about what you plan to be doing tomorrow.  I do think He cares that you're doing what He has planned for you.

"Don't call attention to yourself; let others do that for you."
Proverbs 27:2, The Message

Isn't that something we can all learn to live by?  That's pretty straight forward ... let's move on.

"A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; You can't turn it off, and you can't get away from it."
Proverbs 27:15-16, The Message

I'm not touching that one, just thought it was funny enough to pass along.

"You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another."
Proverbs 27:17

Here's the verse I was waiting to get to.  It's quoted often by pastors and Christians.  My wife has mentioned it several times over the years when I've been frustrated with someone.  When I read it this afternoon however, I didn't look at it the way I typically have in the past.  The times where I'd find myself quoting it back to myself in the past were exactly times like that: when I was frustrated with someone.  I assumed God put them in my path to remind me that at times I may annoy people the way that person was annoying me.  Today a different story came to mind as I read it.

My band was playing at one of our city's largest live music venues.  It was a cold, February night not much different than today.  The band was excited ... I was excited ... due to this new thing I had checked out called "facebook", a lot of old friends I had reconnected with planned on making it out that night to support us.  It was going to be a great night ... and it was.  The band sounded great.  The stage and lights were so cool to play on and under.  The fans and my old friends made us feel so good about what we were doing.  What I didn't know was going on that night was how a few of those old friends, who apparently never grew up, were talking down to someone we all went to school with.  Talking down as in "mean girl" talking down.  Not to her face of course.  Bullies like that are typically cowards too.  They were doing it in the ladies room.  I didn't know it was going on at the time, but heard about it before I left from another friend who had overheard them.  This friend, we'll call her ... (it's always tough to make up fake names ... let's have fun with this one ...) ... we'll call her Penelope.  Penelope told me how girls A and B were talking very bad about girl C.  The issue A and B had with C was really something C couldn't change.  A and B were just being ... well ... they were just being B's.

I could relate to A and B.  I didn't, and would never condone what they were saying, but I could relate to them.  I haven't always looked at others the way I look at them now.  I was pretty selfish for a lot of years ... selfish with my feelings.  I was quicker to cut down that compliment.  Penelope on the other hand was different.  I'd known her for quite some time and she was as nice that night as she was back in high school.  I knew how she had a brother that grew up and entered his adult life with various issues.  Serious issues that can really change a person.  She told me that night how people had always judged her brother, and talked down to him, and assumed things about him, and how it taught her the hard and painful lesson to never be judgmental.  Then she told me about how evil girls A and B were being to girl C.  I could tell in the two minute conversation we had that she really felt bad for our friend.  She was very sincere in her disgust, and in how bad she felt about the way C was being treated.  Penelope busted out the iron sharpener that night.  I left there wondering if I would have felt the same way if I heard what she did.  I'd like to think I would ... I don't think I'm a judgmental person ... but who knows.  What I do know is that two years later, if I get close to falling into that trap of talking down to someone, I think about that night and the lesson that I re-learned.

That night was a great night.  The funny thing is, I went there to play and sing country music ... to hang out with my wife and friends ... to meet up with some old friends I hadn't seen in awhile.  I did all of that ... and was sharpened a little bit more as well.  I hope God has put some "sharpening" people in your life.  If He has, listen to them.  God bless.

"Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
Why do all the faithless live at ease?"
Jeremiah 12:1

Let me paint you a picture of a northern mid-west high school in the late 80's ... maybe around 1987.

Teenager number one ... we'll call him Mark.  Mark was not the best student.  The going to class part of school didn't really interest him.  He was however an exceptional athlete.  He was a starter in any sport he went out for.  He was also exceptional with the girls in school.  They all loved him.  He wasn't even that nice to them, but they loved him.  Typical isn't it?  The girls at that age always wanted the bad boys.  The 'wicked' boys.

Teenager number two ... we'll call him Duane.  Duane was an above average student.  If he worked harder he probably could have been a straight A student.  He went to class ... he never skipped one until the latter part of his senior year ... but he liked the social part of school more than the class part.  Duane was a nice kid.  Nice.  Cute.  Sweet.  Kind.  Those are a few of the words used to describe him.  Guess who wasn't exceptional with the girls?  That's right ... Mr. Nice-cute-sweet-kind guy.  He had a few girlfriends ... he didn't totally strike out ... but compared to Mark, Duane wasn't even good enough to make the team, much less start.

Bad boy ... prospered.  Nice boy ... friend to many, but dated few.  I realize this is a juvenile example to use to compare how good things happen to bad people, and how bad things happen to good people, but I bet anyone reading this can relate to that story.  Right?  Of course I'm right.  Remember, I spent years not talking much, but observing plenty. 

Jeremiah knew it as well.  To quickly review, up to this point we've learned about the bad things that Judah was doing.  They were beyond bad ... they were wicked.  Only they didn't know it.  So God sent Jeremiah to warn them about the coming judgment.  They didn't listen.  Jeremiah felt bad for them, because he knew what God was going to do.  Jeremiah wanted to pray on their behalf but God said no, you are not to pray for them.  Jeremiah did anyway.  That brings us to Chapter 12.  He knew he wasn't supposed to but did anyway.  He also knew that he was going to hear about it from God.  He then acknowledges God's righteous judgment ...

I know, I know.  You told me not to pray for them and I did.  But don't you see them?  Look at how lost they are.  Look at how far they have strayed from your laws.  If I don't pray for them, who will?  I'm ready though ... I'll take my punishment.  But before you do, can I ask you one thing?  Why do the wicked people seem to have it made?  Why do those who deserve your harshest judgment seem to walk around without a care in the world?  Could you just answer that for me?  Okay ... I'm done ... I'll take what I have coming now.

Here's how God answered him:  “If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?"  Isn't that awesome?  I believe in today's vernacular God told Jeremiah:  Dude, quit your whining.  If you can't run with the big dogs, get off the front porch!  Let me say it again: good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people.  The Bible says that it "rains on the just and the unjust."  We all have to learn to deal with it.  That's how the world worked in 600 A.D., and that's how it works January 26, 2011. 

Before I go on, let me admit something: I don't "deal with it" very well.  Not well at all.

Back to my point ... here's how I see this verse ... take it for what it's worth.  So good things happen to bad people.  Evil, rotten, jerks walk around as if they don't have a care in the world.  I was there at one point.  Before I knew God, I walked around as if I didn't have a care in the world either.  I didn't see things the way God does.  I certainly didn't see people the way He does.  Then I began to follow Him.  I asked him to change this "Tin Man's" heart ... and He did.  What He didn't do was make everything perfect.  In fact, I'd say at times it's been harder to live as a follower of Christ than it was when I wasn't following Him.  I've had some bad things happen to me.  Maybe you've got the same story.  Maybe you've had some bad things happen to you as well ... so what?  Just because you have it tough, and some bad things have happened to you when you thought they should have happened to someone else, what are you going to do?  Quit?  Give up?  If that's how you react to life being unfair, what are you going to do when life really gets tough?  What are you going to do when God thrusts you into a horse race, or puts you out on the big dog porch? 

Here's what I try

If you try to compare the life you had before you trusted God to the life you now have after trusting in Him, it will never appear to seem fair.  Trust me ... I've spent countless hours thinking about how unfair life can be.  However, I wouldn't trade this journey with God, littered with countless difficult moments, for a lifetime of being lost and feeling at ease for anything.  If you haven't experienced God in a life changing way yet, I hope you do.  I'll be cheering for you.

"I know I'm filled up to be emptied again;"
An excerpt from the song "Desert Song" by Hillsong Music, Australia

It's been one of those days.  Anxious about change, which leads to more anxiety about pretty much anything, which leads to a miserable start to the morning.  And the clock hadn't struck 8:00 am yet.  So I got in my car, backed out of the driveway, and drove west to the second stop sign.  I sat there.  There was nobody behind me, and I had to wait for traffic anyway ... so I sat there.

God ... why me?  I know life was never meant to be fair, but why does it have to be so difficult?  Is this all there is?  Am I creating situations that don't exist?

I make a left hand turn and continue south for about a mile.  I get to the first traffic signal as my right eye develops a tear.  Yep ... I cry.  Probably more than most guys ... or anyone.  I've always been that way, especially as a young child.  Emotions and feelings seem to always get the better of me.  I advance through the intersection and continue driving.

God, I can't cry.  I'll be at work in less than five minutes.  I can't walk in there with red, puffy eyes.  Not on my first day!  Besides that, I'm sick of my emotions winning.  Why can't I win today?  Just give me today God.

I approach the four-way stop sign.  I try to wipe the few tears on my face in a way that the guy in the car next to me won't know what I'm doing.  As the road bends to the east I continue on for another mile or so.  I'm here.  New job.  New people.  New opportunities to question myself, and so the internal conversation begins. 

Which me should I be today?  The quiet, reserved, introverted 'me'?  That's usually the safest route.  But people also like the outgoing, laughing, jovial 'me'.  I've mastered the art of "the game face", so I can be 'him' even if I don't feel like it.   

Don't you remember though?  How the outgoing 'you' was accused of not being productive at your old job?  Don't you remember how 'he' was told not to ask questions on staff meetings anymore?  Go the safe route.  Stick with the quiet 'you'.

You're right.  Safe.  With safety comes security.  Feeling safe and secure ... that's good.  I'll go with the safe 'me'.

Hold on.  The safe 'you' may not work either.  Remember how you were accused of being too outgoing at your old job, so you decided to sit quietly at your desk with your headphones on, ignoring the world around you, whittling away at the work in front of you?  You can't forget that.  Too outgoing?  That's like being too rich, or too pretty, or too tall.  Impossible!  However, I know you can't forget what happened next.  The quiet 'you' was accused of having a bad attitude, and accused of being rude, simply because you were quiet and keeping to yourself.  They would remind you of how cheerful and outgoing you used to be.  Outgoing ... but didn't they say you were too ...

So what do I do?

I don't know.  It's hard ... well ... impossible really, to try to please everyone.  Looks like you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.  The front door is right there ... you don't have long to figure it out.  Good luck.

It was 7:58 am.  I walked in feeling empty.   The song above tells the story of a sower running out of seed, and how their seed bags are emptied just to be filled again.  Is that why we're emptied?  Is that why God allows difficulties, and pain, and sadness, and all those other soul-emptying states of being?  And when it comes, why does He seem to allow the floodgates to open? 

Did I have to start a new job the same week that it seems my dog ... my baby boy ... may have to be put down?  And on a week where I'm scheduled to play with the worship team at church over the weekend?  And the music we're playing ... couldn't You have worked it out to where it would be no-brainer music on this weekend?

I consider myself to be a generous person ... a giver.  I do my best to sow the seed that God gives me.  I'm sure I unintentionally drop seeds in the weeds from time to time ... maybe a few kernels on the rocks, or in the sand ... but for the most part, I try to make a difference where ever I go, or with whatever I do.  Like the sower's seed bag, the result at times is emptiness.  However, I believe that God faithfully fills me up when I need filling.  He may allow me to get to the brink now and then ... like I did this morning ... but He always finds a way to fill me up ... to renew my spirit ... and He's never late.  Well ... not that late.

God, I know you already know this, but ... I need filling.  Thank you.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28, NIV

When I was in my early 20's I worked for a guy named Kirby Cooper.  He owned a small landscape installation and maintenance company.  One day, while backing a trailer into a driveway at a job site, I rolled over a drainage culvert and tore the sidewall of one of the trailer tires.  Kirby had to come to that job site and help me change the tire (I had no tools to use to change it).  We struggled to get the trailer out of the ditch, and to get the wheel off, but eventually we got it.  Kirby looked at me and told me something I'll always remember:

"If you ever get to the point in life where you can't help yourself, you might as well roll over and die."

My "trailer" has been in life's ditch too long.  Torn sidewall or not, I need to help myself out of that ditch, because if I can't help myself ... well ... you know the rest.

I've been burdened with blame
Trapped in the past for too long
I'm moving on
I'm Moving On by Rascal Flatts

^"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."
Philippians 4:6-7, The Message

"For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required ..."
Luke 12:48, New King James Version

What have you been given?  I'm not talking about birthday presents ... or advice ... of even a gesture after you cut someone off on the road.  I want to know what talents have you been given?  Skills can be acquired, but talent ... talent is a gift from God.  Maybe you don't believe in God.  If that's you, I'm glad you're reading this today.  You see, I do believe in Him.  So much so I capitalize the "H" every time I refer to Him.  Some people just can't seem to get their head around an omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent Creator.  You know what I can't get my head around?  That I came from a gob of goo that crawled out of the ocean.  I can't seem to sell myself on the possibility that a rock blew up somewhere out in the solar system resulting in life.  I heard an explanation once about the complexity of the human eye and how in no way could it be a product of evolution.  Many of us probably take our sight for granted, and our eyes as well, but they are incredible little processing machines.  Dr. George Marshall was interviewed by Creation magazine and offered this about the human eye:

How do you react to the notion that the human eye is the product of evolution?

The more I study the human eye, the harder it is to believe that it evolved. Most people see the miracle of sight. I see a miracle of complexity on viewing things at 100,000 times magnification. It is the perfection of this complexity that causes me to baulk at evolutionary theory.

Can you give our readers some idea of just how complex the eye is?

The retina is probably the most complicated tissue in the whole body. Millions of nerve cells interconnect in a fantastic number of ways to form a miniature ‘brain’. Much of what the photoreceptors ‘see’ is interpreted and processed by the retina long before it enters the brain. (1)

Sorry about the rabbit trail; this wasn't supposed to be about creationism, but a belief that we are created drives home the point that we are each given talents by the Creator.  Our gift back to Him is using those talents for the good of others.  The more we use our talents, the more God requires of us, and the more He wants us to continue using them.  I'll use an example or two from my own life, but will ask you in advance to allow me a little freedom, especially for those who don't know me.  I am in no way grandstanding ... that's not how I roll.  I'm just going to share with you some things that others have said about me, and use their comments to explain what I think this verse means.

As quoted from Richard H. on my band's facebook page today ... As folks move thru the band your professionalism, positive outlook and love of God touches them, and then more people.  I'm struggling right now with what to do with my band.  We just 'lost' our guitar player to the Army.  Aaron is a great guitar player, and will be very, very difficult to replace.  He's also the sixth guitar player I've had in less than 5 years.  It's not easy to continually replace people as they leave the band.  It's not easy to continually book gig after gig, and print poster after poster, and load, and unload, and the load again the amount of equipment we need.  It's not easy to be looked at as the leader.  However, as a result of the band "being", a guy named Russ came to know Jesus in a personal way.  As a result of the band, Russ met a woman named Rhonda and eventually married her.  As a result of the band, I was able to share with an old friend last week how and why I trust God with what goes on in my life.  As a result of the band, I've gained the ability and confidence to get up in front of a church congregation and lead worship.  Being in a band isn't a talent.  What I believe is a talent is the ability to sing, and to interact with and touch people on a personal level as a result.  That's the talent I believe God gave me.  He's given me much, so much is required. 

As quoted from Michelle R. on my facebook page ... Went back through some of your previous blogs; very encouraging. Thank you for taking the time to touch others hearts.  If this is your first time visiting Chasing God, welcome.  It exists because I like to write.  And because I have way too much stuff bouncing around my head, thus I had to find a way to let some of it run free.  Michelle and several others have commented that I have a talent or gift of writing, and of simplifying the complex and then putting it down into words.  I started writing my blog only a few months ago, in November of 2010.  A few people read it, and commented on how they liked what I had to say.  In particular my wife, whose opinion is the most important to me.  Then a few more people read it, with a guy named Dave telling me that he had decided to purposefully make God a more important part of his life in 2011, and that he was going to focus on developing his "spiritual strength."  Then a few more people read, with a woman named Valerie telling me that "reading your blog is good for your soul.  Everyone should read it."  Then it made it's way overseas, first being read in Croatia and Israel.  Then Denmark.  Then Singapore.  Then Canada ... and Germany ... and the United Kingdom ... and Slovenia ... and Russia.  He's given me much, so much is required.

So I ask again, what have you been given?

I start a new job tomorrow.  18 hours from now I'll be backing out of my driveway to go work as a project manager for an engineering company.  It's what I've done for 10 years of my 16 year career as a Landscape Architect.  For the last several years I've worked on some of the coolest projects, and with some of the greatest clients.  I'm good at what I do ... part talent, part skill, but all by God's grace.  Regardless, I'm nervous.  I don't like being the new guy.  Contrary to what a lot of people think, I'm not comfortable meeting new people.  I've been off of work now for 51 weeks, so obviously I'm glad that God has provided me with this opportunity ... but I'm still anxious.  And God knows it.  I've told him, "through petition and praise", I've let Him know exactly how I feel.  I'm waiting for Him to come and settle me down.  In addition to talents, I believe God gives us opportunities, and just like with our talents, I believe when He gives us opportunities, "much is required."  I don't know what God has in store for me, or my future co-workers.  I don't know why I was laid off last May because of a lack of work, when no one else was being laid off.  There's a lot that I don't know, which leads to me feeling anxious.  It leads to me worrying.  I'm not talking about run of the mill anxiety either ... I'm talking ANXIETY.  But there is a God of the universe ... the same God who created me ... who knows my concerns.  He's at work making every thing come together for the good.  He's equipped me with God given talent, and learned skill, to make the most of this life, and to meet whatever comes my way head on.  God did that.  Not an amoeba, or a blown up rock in outer space.  God.  G to the O to the D ... God.  He uses people like my wife ... Richard and Michelle ... Dave and Valerie ... to remind me that I have a place in this world, and a purpose for being here.  He knows that worry can overtake me at times, but God is the ultimate worry displacer.

So I ask again, what have you been given?  What gift or talent has God given you that needs to be used?  Who has God put in your life to support you during the times when you worry, or get anxious?  Are you willing to let God work in your life to displace that worry?  I hope so.  God bless.

Footnotes:
(1) Dr George Marshall obtained his B.Sc. (Hons.) in Biology at the University of Strathclyde in 1984. He conducted research into bone marrow cancer at the University of Sheffield for three years until invalided out with a serious, normally incurable illness. He was dramatically healed of this in November 1987 and soon obtained an M.Med.Sci. from Sheffield. He then worked at the University of Manchester before taking up a post at the University of Glasgow in 1988. He obtained his Ph.D. in Ophthalmic Science at Glasgow in 1991 and was elected to chartered biologist (C.Biol.) status and to membership of the Institute of Biology (M.I.Biol.) in 1993.  Quotation used above taken from here.

"But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless."
Jeremiah 7:8, New International Version

In chapters two through six in the book of Jeremiah, God explains in great detail the sinful state of the people of Judah.  Idolatry, greed and lawlessness were running rampant.  When you read it it sounds a lot like the condition of the United States right now, but hey, who am I to judge?  I'm a sinner saved by grace, doing my best to navigate this imperfect world I live in, as a foreigner would a strange country.  Like many of you, I'm bombarded with ideas, comments, situations, suggestions, and temptations that seek to do nothing but diminish my faith in God.

There have to be other people dealing with that ... I can't be the only one.  Some statistics I heard recently point to the fact that a lot of people are facing that sort of deception.  I don't remember the exact numbers but about 85% of America professes to be Christian in their beliefs, yet only 17% attend church on a regular basis.  Do you have to attend church to have a strong relationship with God?  No.  I've heard of people who live in countries where converting to Christianity is an instant death penalty, so they have to keep their relationship with God to themselves.  That being said, we don't face those sort of obstacles in America.  We can worship freely and openly, and yet some people don't take advantage of it.  I guess if it works for them, great.  It wouldn't work for me though ... I need that sort of accountability.  I need that weekly interaction.  I need the sort of foundational teaching you get at a good, Bible believing church to equip me to handle the deceptive words directed towards me.  You might be strong enough on your own; I'm not.

Two couples, each with two kids about the same age, started out going to church each week as a family.  Over time, Family A eventually stopped going to church.  As the kids reached their teen age years, one of them became rebellious, and started drinking and smoking pot around the age of 15 or 16.  Family B continued going faithfully.  Sure, they missed a weekend here and there, but they were consistent with their attendance.  Their kids grew up and developed their own strong relationships with God.  They did things that every teenager does, but they each have a wonderful relationship with God that was fueled by the foundation of gathering with like minded people on a regular basis.  Two kids were affected by deceptive words, and started pursuing worthless things.  The other two kids, living in the same town, attending the same schools, were able to stay strong in their faith.

The Bible describes satan as the Deceiver, the Father of lies, and a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  In past blogs I've touched on a few foundational beliefs of the Christian.  Here's another one: satan is real ... just as real as Jesus.  You can't get away with following Christ without acknowledging that evil exists.  His goal is to recruit as many people to join the ranks of hell as he can, and he's good at doing it.  He's clever at combining a little bit of truth with a lot of 'un-truth' to get us to do things.  He's not picky either.  He'll deceive both Believers and unbelievers.

Judah was affected by his deception, so God sent the prophet Jeremiah to warn them to turn from their ways.  Who has God sent you?  Have you listened?  Please don't waste your life on the pursuit of the worthless.  God has so much He wants to give to you.  Give Him a chance today.  If you're fortunate enough to live in a country where you can attend church, consider doing that as part of strengthening your relationship with Him.  God bless you.

"I thought you would call me ‘Father’
and not turn away from following me."
Jeremiah 3:19

Allow me to share an abbreviated and paraphrased Biblical history lesson with you.

God created the earth and everything in it in six days, then rested on the seventh.  In order to allow us to rest better, he created Sunday football.  Okay, so anyway, as part of His creation God made Adam and Eve.  They walked around the Garden of Eden loving life.  Heaven's fallen angel, the devil, tempted them into eating an apple from the forbidden tree so they could become like God, if not more.  Man disses their Creator, and sin enters the world.

Man continues to live in sin, worshiping false gods, and just flat out ignores the true God.  God doesn't take to that well so he brings the rain.  He gives one guy, Noah, and his family a chance to make it out alive from the ensuing flood.  Noah tries to warn everyone, telling them what God said, but nobody believed him.  Man again turns his back on God. Noah builds a big boat, gets ridiculed by his neighbors, collects every animal he can, then boards the ark with his family.  It rains for forty days and forty nights.  Everyone dies except Noah and his family.

Noah's boys and their wives get busy repopulating the earth (look to the person sitting next to you and tell your cousin hello).  We eventually end up with a bunch of people.  They slowly forget where they came from, forget how God has had their back for hundreds of years, and start worshiping false gods ... again.  And again, man turns from God.

Notice the pattern?  Does it look familiar at all ... maybe represent your life?  It does mine.  Turn to God.  Turn from God.  Turn back to God.  Think too highly of myself and my so called abilities and turn from God.  Realize I'm nothing without Him and turn back to God.  Why do we make life so difficult?  Okay, maybe you don't ... so why do I make life so difficult?  I heard a saying the other day that went like this: You'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you have.  Having gotten to that point a few times in life, can I make a suggestion to you?  Save yourself the pain and agony of learning that the hard way, and just decide for yourself right now that God is all you need.  He is you know ... He is all you really need.  When life deals you the toughest of blows ... you know, the big stuff like terminal illness, or divorce, or the death of a loved one, it's not your house or your car or your job or your iPad or your 52" Samsung that will comfort and restore you.  Your wife can't do it, your dad can't do it, your boss can't do it.  There is only one God, and when I realized it wasn't me, life got a little easier to deal with.  The problems were still there, I just didn't have to face them on my own.

My biological father left me when I was young.  Trying to embrace God as "God the Father" was not easy for me to do.  Having had a parent like that, and then not having the opportunity to be a parent myself, I can't really say that I know how God felt when humanity turned their backs on Him.  Even more it's hard to understand how He could send his son Jesus to forgive humanity for all of their sin.  Are you a dad?  Or a mom?  How would you feel if your kids walked away from you and didn't include you in their lives?  I would imagine that would hurt.

God really is all you need.  If you haven't yet, consider giving Him a chance.  God bless.

<sup>"Lots of people claim to be loyal and loving, but where on earth can you find one?"
Proverbs 20:6, The Message

Good morning.  I just let my dog Cooper outside ... it is cold in Michigan this morning.  It's not supposed to get into double digits today.  This would be a perfect day to stay in the sweatpants and sweatshirt I'm wearing and not leave the house.  However, I've got things to do today that won't allow me that luxury.  I have to go out and be around people today ... a day where I woke up wanting to do anything but that.  I don't like days like this ... about as much as I don't like people who don't honor their word.  I may be a lot of things, and I know I've made my share of mistakes in life, but if I'm nothing else I'm loyal.  

Yesterday I wrote about doing the next right thing.  I believe in that statement.  I believe if we do our best to live that way then our time here on earth won't be wasted.  Part of doing the next right thing is to follow through and do what we tell people we're going to do.  My wife taught me years ago that people are only as good as their word.  We've all heard the phrase that our word is our bond, which is a polite way of saying talk is cheap.  There's an old saying that goes something like this: your actions are so loud I can not hear what you are saying.  Do you know someone who doesn't follow through on what they say?  Has someone ever promised to do something for you then back out, or fail to show up?  Has someone ever told you that they love you then fail to show it with corresponding actions?  Has a parent abandoned you, or a spouse broken their vows to you?  That stuff happens every day to people everywhere.  The fact that it's common doesn't mean it's acceptable ... it just proves how imperfect man is.

We all want to be loved don't we?  I know I do.  Based on the love songs I hear on the radio, and the so called reality shows on t.v. where people are looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, and the hundreds if not thousands of love story movies that have been made over the years, I think a lot of people do.  So where are the people who will love us?  Where are those who claim to be loyal to us?  Where can we find them?  I think I know where to start, but let's walk through my thought process together, and you can determine for yourself if what I think is true for you as well.

Some of you have heard me tell the story about my dad, and how he left us when I was seven years old. Divorce is an ugly thing.  To go through it as a child, the way we did, was horrible.  My story is nothing special though, millions of people have been affected by divorce.  Here's the worse part about my story though: it's one thing for a spouse to divorce their spouse, but my dad divorced his kids too.  We weren't able to have kids, so maybe I'm not qualified to talk about this, but to me it just doesn't make sense that a mother or father would choose to not be a parent.  As a child I don't think there is a worse sense of disloyalty or abandonment you can feel.  My dad wasn't a part of my life by choice.

I was 19 years old when I met a girl at a bar near MSU's campus.  She and I dated for about 2 1/2 years.  Looking back on that relationship, I'm not sure what I saw in her.  My mom didn't like her.  Many of friends didn't like her.  Maybe they could see what I couldn't.  She turned out to be anything but loyal.  I should have seen it coming … the handwriting was all over the wall … but I've always been a very trusting person.  I've always been loyal to those I care about, so I figured everyone else was the same way. Not her. I found out that for the last six months of our relationship she was “seeing” a guy that she worked with. She was cheating on me. When I found out about it, and confronted her, she had nothing to say. Neither did I, but only because I was sick to my stomach.

One good thing came out of what she did … I met the most loyal, caring, and loving person ever to walk this earth … a guy named Jesus. When Joy and I broke up I hit bottom … at least what I would have defined bottom as at that time. Since then it's been redefined several times. It hurt to be treated like that, especially when I was nothing but loyal to her. Her best friend happened to be a Christian. She told me until I get my life right with God, I'll continue to be miserable. At the time it seemed to make sense. Trust God? Get saved? I didn't understand any of it but I figured at that point I had nothing to lose. That's how I started my walk with Him. I actually thanked Joy at one point for doing what she did. Had it not been for her and her so called 'loyalty', I don't know what it would have taken for me to get to the point of being willing and open to trusting God.

Deciding to follow God was the beginning of understanding what true loyalty is. It was the beginning of knowing what true love was supposed to be about. It's not that life instantly got easier, or that angels hovered over me everywhere I went. I didn't have an epiphany like that. Understanding loyalty was a process. Learning what love really meant was a process, but it all began with Him. Since trusting Him I've been blessed to meet loyal people. I've learned a little bit about what love is, though I think that's an endless journey. The Bible says that “God is love”, and I feel I only know a little bit about Him, so …

So what's the answer? People claim to be loyal and loving, but where in the world are they? I don't know if this is the right answer, but in my world, it started with my relationship with God. He's the most loyal person I know. He loves me like no other. When I find it hard to love myself, He still loves me. Read what Romans chapter 8 says about it:

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39

I think that says it all.  God bless.</sup>

"Knowing what is right is like deep water in the heart;

   a wise person draws from the well within."

 Proverbs 20:5, The Message

I got an e-mail this morning from a former co-worker, and a dear friend.  She wrote to tell me that she was praying for my wife and I regarding my job situation and to congratulate me on getting one yesterday; that she was sorry to hear about how sick our dog Riley is; and to tell me that she reads Chasing God from time to time. She said something about me that ties in with today's verse very well.  Today may be a two-blog-post day.  Verses five and six both jumped off the page at me this morning.  They are closely related, but I want to write about them separately ... if you don't mind.

I remember listening to a pastor preaching a general sermon about life and how to live it.  He said something that will forever stick with me.  He said that we need to "focus on doing the next right thing."  If you're anything like me, you get caught up with trying to do everything right.  I could explain it away by giving you reason after reason, but it comes down to this: I grew up wanting to be liked.  In a crazy way, I think I'm somewhat like Michael Scott, the manager of the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin on the hilarious show "The Office."  His main focus in life is to be liked by those around him, and he stops at nothing to make that happen.  That's how I spent a great deal of my life ... doing whatever I had to do to get people to like me.  I had to do everything right.

My friend (we'll call her Kay) told me something this morning that was very kind, and you know what, I'm not going to humbly brush it aside this time.  She said "Your loving heart for those around you is so big it is amazing."  It literally brought a tear to my eye.  You see, she knows me.  We worked in the same office for 9 1/2 years.  She has seen all sides of me, good and bad.  Yes, believe it or not, my bad, driven, get stuff done no matter what side of me would rear it's ugly head from time to time at work. Over the last several years Kay's been through hell and back herself ... she knows what it's like to hurt ... to be discouraged ... and to still want to do the right thing.  Not to be liked by anyone ... not to make friends ... not to make herself feel better about herself ... but just because it's the right thing to do.  My wife is the same way.  She hasn't had the easiest life either.  Parts of her childhood make mine look like a cakewalk, but yet she does the right thing ... just because.  They've both been a great example to me, and I'll be forever grateful for that.

I believe we can all have a loving heart for those around us.  If you don't feel that way now, don't worry, you can change.  I did.  My so called love for those around me used be shallow ... like the puddle on the ground next to the well.  Then one day I foolishly prayed this prayer: God, help me to love people like you do; help me to see people the way you see them.  I say foolishly because of what I had to go through to get to that point.  I had to be broken ... and humbled.  I had to allow others to love me for me, not for what I could do.  

In no way do I think I've arrived, I'm not even close to where I want to be, but I do think I've traveled deeper into the well.  God bless.

Saying Good Night to the Father

Good evening Father.  It's late, and it's been a long day.  But it's quiet now.  Other than my fingers on the keyboard, the only sounds I hear are the clock on the table next to me, and my faithful and loving dog Riley on the floor next to me.  You know Riley God ... he's was our first 'baby'.  He's been the sweetest, most loyal and obedient dog and pet for us.   He's getting old though, and his health seems to be failing.  He has a hard time breathing, and at times I wonder if he's gasping for his last breath.  All I ask is that when it's his time to cross that rainbow bridge, don't let him suffer.  I never want to go through that again.

This is my favorite time of the day to talk with you.  Getting it all out, laying it all at your feet before I go to bed always helps me to sleep better.  Never mind the fact that every time I start to pray I immediately start yawning.  Don't take it personal Father ... it's me, not you.  So let me take a minute to tell you a bunch of stuff you already know.  It's not the quality of the content, but the time we spend sharing it that's important ... right?

I was offered a job today.  Thank you so much for that.  It's only part time, on an as needed basis for now, but it may lead to full time employment.  I'm a little scared; it's been a long time since I've had to work.  Please help me to remember what I used to do.  I have to admit though, I have mixed emotions about it.  For some reason I thought you were going to take us out of Michigan.  On one hand that scared the heck out of me.  On the other, I was ready to embrace whatever You had for us.  All I really want is your will for my life.

Chris had a weird pain in her foot today.  It just came out of the blue.  Please look after that for me.  It's very rare that she's in pain, or complains about something like that.  I'm not used to seeing it.  I'm the one who's always aching in some way, shape, or form.  Speaking of that, my back is bothering me again.  I'm trying not to let it get to me, but you know me.  Any consistent pain in my back makes me freak out a bit.  Please take care of that too.

Enough about us.  There are so many other needs in the world, in our country, and even in our small sphere of influence.  For the people we know who are also out of work, please help them to find a job.  It's so difficult to face each day not knowing what your future holds ... not knowing what the next few hours hold.  Give them a peace knowing that you're in control.  For other people we know who are struggling financially, living paycheck to paycheck, living off the money they saved for retirement, living off of the help of family or friends ... will you break all the rules on their behalf, and make what is supposed to be a tough economic year the best year they've had in a long time?  Could you do that for them ... not so much because they need it, but more because they need you.

Speaking of needing you, Gabrielle Giffords must have a lot of people praying for her.  Her recovery is nothing short of a miracle.  I hope and pray that people give you the credit.  I certainly do.  Thank you God for the healing taking place in her body and in her mind.  I pray that you continue to guide the hands of doctors caring for her.  The young man who shot her ... Jared ... he needs you too God.  It seems he's mad at you, or simply doesn't believe in you ... the truth is, where he's going, he's going to need you.

For the men and women serving in the military, stationed at home and abroad ... bless and protect them and their families, and honor the sacrificial service they give day in and day out.  We'd be a different country without them.  I pray also for the leaders of our country.  Turn their hearts towards you; they need to get their counsel and wisdom from you God.  Please have mercy on our nation.

It's so cool to know that you listen to me.  Thank you for that.  I went from not talking much to not knowing how to shut up.  I'm glad you're patient with me, and eager to listen.  I'm getting tired so I'll end with this: thank you for saving me, for sending your son Jesus to cancel my sin debt completely, for walking with me day after day, mistake after mistake, and from glory to glory.  Thank you for the friends who read this blog and who have written to encourage me.  As much as they've blessed me I pray that you turn it around and send blessings to each of them.  I'm glad you called me to write this devotional blog.  If I can help just one person to know you better, it's worth being more open and transparent than I'd usually be.  Life can be tough; my life has been tough; don't waste the hurt.  Use me and my experiences to help those and encourage those who need it.  Thank you for holding me up, for sustaining me, and for planting my feet upon the rock.  Like the old song says, you're "the same God, with the same story" ... thank you for never changing, and for never leaving us.  I love you.  Good night.

"But where are your gods which you made for yourself?
 Let them arise, if they can save you in the time of your trouble."
Jeremiah 2:28, New American Standard Version

"It's not what you know, it's who you know."  You've heard that expression, right?  My mother has told me that no less than one hundred times in my life.  Many times over the years, people I knew were able to help me out when I needed it.  What I knew is usually what got me in trouble in the first place.  Maybe mom was right.  I submit to you that in 2011 that saying could be replaced with this one: "It's not what you know, it's what you do."  When you're faced with a troubling situation, what's your knee jerk reaction?  Is it to drop to your knees and ask God to help you, or do you immediately begin the process of trying to figure out how to fix it on your own?  Let me try to put you at ease and tell you that I've been guilty of the latter more times than I'd like to admit.  You're not alone.

God created me with an active, imaginative, creative, and artful mind.  Writing has always come natural to me.  I've been singing since I was seven.  I taught myself to play the guitar.  I can even hold my own with a sketch book ... at least I could 15 years ago.  God also created me with a contemplative, deep thinking, and problem solving mind.  I remember details of conversations I had 5 or 10 or 15 years ago.  I'm not mechanically inclined but I can swing a hammer and build stuff.  If I see something broken I want to fix it.  It could be anything ... even people.  Most people are dominant one way or the other.  If I were to define my crazy mind, I'd say I'm equally divided between the two descriptions above.  Clear as mud?  Good ... I'll move on.

Because I am the way I am, I often bypass the true "I Am" and look to Joe to get myself out of problems.  Israel had done the same thing.  Jeremiah was called as a prophet.  His task: to let Israel know that because they took their life in their own hands, and turned their backs on God, judgement was coming.  Not only had they left the one true God out of their daily lives, they created and worshiped false gods ... gods they carved out of wood, or painted on a stone.  Sounds crazy doesn't it?  It does to me ... well ... until I stop and honestly identify the false gods I've worshiped ... gods like my 401(k): after all, that's my main storehouse, that's my security ... if the stock market drops, my life is over.  How about security in general?  We plan and save and store and hoard for that inevitable rainy day, when God tells us not to worry about tomorrow.  Isaiah said that he had "never seen the righteous forsaken, or their children begging bread."  How about my car that I'm a freak about keeping clean?  Or my guitar that some days gets two to three hours of my time.  Then there's this one ... you might want to sit down ... how about the time you spend in serving and volunteering at your church? 

Before you think I've lost it, let me explain: I don't bow down, tape my investment statement to the wall, and pray to it.  I don't sit in my garage and pray to my car.  I don't ask my guitar to heal me when I'm sick.  When I talk about worshiping those things, my point is to bring to your attention - and mine - the amount of time we dedicate to those things compared to the amount of time we dedicate to getting to know Jesus.  It's easy to do, and most people don't even recognize it.  After all, "it's what we do."

If there was ever a time in history where it was wise, and worth your effort to spend time with God, it's today.  The world is crazy, and there are a lot of crazy people in it.  I tend to watch a lot of news, but at times I get to the point where I have to shut it off for a few days (maybe the news was a god ... maybe) because it's so disturbing and sad.  Obviously I can't tell you what to do.  I'm not Jeremiah.  If you'd allow me to make a suggestion though, can I recommend that you spend some time with God?  Take a few minutes each day and talk to Him.  If you own a Bible, open it up to the book of John and start reading.  If you don't, go to www.biblegateway.com and search for the "Book of John" and read.  My car can't save me.  My guitar can't save me.  My 401(k) is not the source of my security.  Only the one true God ... Jehovah ... Yahweh ... the Alpha and Omega ... he's the only God that can save me, protect me, and heal me.  But not just me ... you too.  Give Him a chance.  God bless.

A short note from Joe ...

Today is a tough day for a few of my regular readers, as well as others.  I found out yesterday that a young gal on our planning team at church, Katie, lost her grandmother.  She died at 4:30 yesterday morning.  A long time friend of mine Michelle, lost her best friend yesterday, after a long and difficult battle with heart disease.  She also has to deal with the pain of that family shutting her out.  I can't imagine a loss like that.  Another long time friend Valerie, and her cousin Kelly (who I had the privilege of meeting when we both performed at a benefit for Breast Cancer last year near Detroit) are burying Kelly's mother (Valerie's aunt) today.  And yet another friend, Brent, is burying one of his aunts today.  He traveled from California to Michigan to attend the funeral.

Death is a part of life.  We all know that.  It doesn't make dealing with it any easier though.  If you're reading this I'd ask you to pray for these people and their families.  I included first names only so that you could pray specifically for them.  A few of those mentioned above are faithful, daily readers of Chasing God, and have encouraged me at times to keep writing, saying things like "it's good for the soul" and "everyone needs to read this."  Because of that, I want to do my part to encourage them during this time.  God bless you Katie and Michelle, Valerie and Kelly, and Brent, and your families during this hard time of letting go.  I pray for God's peace, comfort, and understanding to flood your spirits today, and every day as you continue to heal and get through this time.  God bless you all.  Amen.

God's Timing: Part II

 ⁵"Before I shaped you in the womb,
   I knew all about you.
Before you saw the light of day,
   I had holy plans for you:
A prophet to the nations—
   that's what I had in mind for you."
 ⁶But I said, "Hold it, Master God! Look at me.
   I don't know anything. I'm only a boy!"
 ^7-8God told me, "Don't say, 'I'm only a boy.'
   I'll tell you where to go and you'll go there.
I'll tell you what to say and you'll say it.
   Don't be afraid of a soul.
I'll be right there, looking after you."
   God's Decree.

 ^11-12God's Message came to me: "What do you see, Jeremiah?"
   I said, "A walking stick—that's all."
And God said, "Good eyes! I'm sticking with you.
   I'll make every word I give you come true."
Jeremiah 1: 5-8 and 11-12

Yesterday I shared with you in great detail what it was like to grow up with a stuttering problem.  I hope I didn't belabor the issue, but I felt I had to share that with you to give you an idea of where the thoughts I had about myself came from, and why they still try to take dominion over me to this day.  Let's move on.

God knew I'd stutter.  He says in the passage above the before He shaped me in my mothers womb, He knew all about me.  So before I was anything ... before I was even a thought in my mothers head, God knew all about me.  All?  Like ... everything?  You knew I'd be six feet tall (on a good day)?  You knew I'd have dark brown hair, and the strangest color of brownish goldish hazelish eyes?  You knew I'd be a slow runner, a quick thinker, and a willing listener?  You even knew I'd stutter?  I think He did.  I mean, the last time I checked, all meant 'all' ... everything.

Before I saw the light of day, He had 'holy plans' for me.  Wow ... while I was still in my mother's womb, God had a plan for me.  Well God, if you've known for that long, would it be that hard to clue me in on some of it?  Do I have to keep walking through this life, making mistake after mistake?  I mean, you've known now for at least 41 years, maybe longer, what the plan was for my life ... throw me a bone here God.  Maybe give me a crumb off the table ... anything.  I can't help but to wonder at times how much of what I've gone through was part of God's plan for me, or if it was a result of me making some bad choices?  Remember what I said yesterday though, that God works all things together for the good for those who love Him, and who are called according to His purpose.  He can fix our mistakes.

Mistakes.  We all make them.  Some are minor ... petty.  Some are life altering.  I know in my life, my abrasive, get-things-done attitude has caused me to make some mistakes.  I've said the wrong thing time and and time again.  I've pursued the wrong opportunity a few times.  I skipped too many classes in college, I experimented with too many drugs, and I consumed too much alcohol.  I've embraced the wrong people, and alienated the right ones.  I've definitely made mistakes.  Maybe you have as well.  Maybe you married the wrong person, or pursued a career that was wrong for you, or said something to one of your children that never should have been uttered.  It doesn't matter.  I'm convinced that God doesn't have a rear view mirror ... only we do.  I'm the master at looking back over my life and focusing on all I've said or done wrong.  God is the MASTER at forgetting all of that, if only we're bold enough to ask Him too.  So when God says to you that He as a plan for you, a job for you to do, don't look at up Him and make excuses as to why you can't do it because you look at yourself through your own eyes.  Jeremiah told God "Hold it, look at me.  I don't know anything.  I'm only a boy!"  Can't you see who I am?  Don't you remember the things I've said, and done?  God, there is no way I can do that.  There is no way someone like me can pull that off.  I've failed so many times, why would you ask me to do that again?

God doesn't see that though.  He doesn't look at us through our eyes.  He sees what we can be, and promises to help us achieve it.  "I'll tell you where to go and you'll go there.  I'll tell you what to say and you'll say it.  Don't be afraid of a soul.  I'll be right there, looking after you."

I write this today for me as much as anyone.  I'm at a place in life where I'm wondering what the next step is.  For many months now I've tried to find a job in the career field I spent the last 16 years in with no success.  I've applied for related jobs (some closely related, some not) with no success.  I consider myself to be an able, willing person, who still has a sharp mind and initiative ... but so far, no one else has seen that, at least not enough to hire me.  However, what my wife and I have committed to do is to go where God wants us go, and to do whatever He calls us to do.  I needed to read this verse today because I needed to be reminded that God is right here, and that He's still looking out for me.  He promised it.  He decreed it.

As He did with Jeremiah, God may ask us questions from time to time.  He may ask us to look at our situation, and tell Him what we see.  His response to Jeremiah ...  "Good eyes!  I'm sticking with you.  I'll make every word I give you come true."  I personally don't like speaking in absolutes, but I'm glad that God does.  So the same God who promised that all things work together for the good has also promised that He'll make every word He gives to us come true?  I believe He will ... in His time.

I'll continue examining and exploring the life of Jeremiah.  He was considered to be one of the major Prophets, yet he felt ill-equipped from the start, and from what scholars say, suffered from depression.  He just might be a guy I can relate to.  I hope you'll stay with me for the next few days while we learn more about him.  Thank you and God bless you.

God's Timing: Part I

"So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time."
1 Peter 5:6, The Message

Some of you have heard about the stutter I had as a kid ... and as a teenager ... and as an adult.  From the time I started talking until the age of 24, I stuttered.  There is no scientific or medical cure for stuttering.  I don't use the word cure to indicate that stuttering is a disease.  I would call it a condition though.  People who stutter do so for one of two reasons.  The first is due to a physical problem with the larynx and voice box.  The second has to do with the six inches between ones ears.  Mine was the latter.  The sad thing is the more you stutter, the more you think you're going to the next time you open your mouth.  Think about that for a minute.  If you knew that you'd stumble over your words (or sometime fall face first down the stairs ... or so it felt) every time you opened your mouth to say something, how motivated would you feel to talk, or start up a conversation?  I've tried to explain to people over the years the feeling of not being able to talk well.  I don't know if I've ever really come up with a proper explanation.  Maybe if I gave a few examples, people would better understand.

Let's start with not being able to say my own name.  How many times in our lifetime do we have to introduce ourselves, or say our name in school?  Joe.  Three letters, one syllable, but one of the hardest words for me to say for 20 years.  It would typically come out something like "J ... J ... J ... J ... followed by several seconds of silence as my chest tightened and throat locked up ... which was followed by tapping my foot, or patting my knee to create a rhythm of some kind to make it easier to say it ... then back to J ... J ... Joe".  If I was lucky, all of that would take place within a 4-5 second time frame.  Many times it was longer.  Take a minute, if there's no one around you, and spend 8 seconds stuttering to say your name.  Go ahead, do it.  It'll do you good.  Now picture doing that in front of a fourth grade class ... or a seventh grade class ... or a 12th grade class ... or a 400 level college class.

Remember getting called on in class to answer a question?  Or maybe being called up to the board in 10th grade geometry class to solve a problem?  Remember Eddie Murphy's skit about this ... "That's okay, I'll take a zero."  I took a lot of zero's over the years.  You see, any letter than has a hard sound, like B, or D, or G, or J, or K, or P ... you get the point.  Then a few select other letters like F, or H, or L, or M, or N, or W ... any word that started with one of those letters, I couldn't say it on the first try.  Or the second.  Or the fourth.  What does that do to your public speaking skills?  There were so many times I knew the answer ... so many times I wanted to speak out but didn't.  I dealt with this at every level; elementary school through college.

How many phone calls did you make before you were 24 years old?  Probably more than you could count.  I remember probably hundreds, if not thousands, of phone calls I made over the years where one of two things happened:  either I couldn't say my name to introduce myself, if the call warranted it, or I couldn't say the name of the person I was asking for.  Regardless of which one took place, I wasn't able to complete many, many phone calls.  Many times the person on the other end of the phone was asking "Who is this?", or "Who are you?".  Often times they'd hang up ... or I would.

What about asking directions at a gas station?  Or asking for assistance at a store?  Or asking a girl on a date?  I don't care what the situation was, it scared me to death.  Now imagine this ... imagine every time that happened, you got laughed at.  I don't know what was worse though, someone laughing in my face, or someone looking at me like I was the dumbest person on the planet.  How many times a day, times how many times a week, times how many times a month ... as they'd say in the 70's, are you picking up what I'm laying down?  It was tough.  It was miserable.  I didn't like who I was.

God calls us to be content with who we are.  How content do you think I was in third grade when I couldn't say my name on the first day of school, which led to a fellow classmate to look and and say "You don't know your name?  What are you, stupid?".  I'll tell you ... not very.  Don't put on airs.  Really God?  Are you serious?  My self esteem was so low ... a positive self image was non-existent.  The last things I'd ever think about was putting on airs.  In my eyes I was a nobody.

It was spring, 1993.  I woke up early to get ready to go to class, just like any other day of the week.  This day was different though.  I'd been reading a self help book with dealing with stuttering.  It was basically a book outlining some "tricks" to make it appear like you know how to talk.  I had already developed a greater speaking dictionary than most people.  I had to come up with different ways to say the same thing.  Another trick was to pretend like I didn't know the answer.  That one bugged me a lot.  You see, when you pretend to be dumb long enough ...  Then there was one of my favorites, acting like I lost my train of thought.  That was a good one ... worked every time.  Like I said though, this day was different.  As I was getting ready to go to class, I looked in the mirror and told myself this:  Yesterday was the last day that you're ever going to stutter.  Believe or not, that worked.  I've always given God the credit for healing the incurable condition that I had.  He truly performed a miracle ... He did it His way, and at the right time.

So ... happy ending right?  Regarding the stuttering, yes it was.  I very rarely will get tripped up on a certain word, but the episodes are few and far between.  Plus, I got so good at pretending, no one ever notices anymore.  For the most part, like 99.99% of the time, I'm stutter free.  Unfortunately though, after 20 years of pretending, faking, acting dumb, getting laughed and stared at, and every thing else that went along with it, the damage was done.  I was at the point where I didn't think much of myself (flunking out of college didn't help either).

So we come along 1 Peter, chapter 5, and the sixth verse, and God tells us to be "content where we are".  Well guess what God, I'm not.  I know you've asked me to be, but I'm not.  I know that your strong hand is upon me.  I know that I'm supposed to trust you when I feel like it, and when I don't.  I know that you'll be faithful to complete the good work that you started in me.  I know that you work all things together for the good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.  Is that it?  Is that the connection?  'Are you talking about a general calling, as in we're all called to share the gospel ... is that the kind of calling you're talking about?  Or is the type of calling that happens when you decide to promote us at the right time'?  Maybe that's it ... maybe I've missed it all along.  I didn't go through all of that pain and agony in vain did I?  You will work things together for the good, but you'll do it in Your time, not mine.  I always looked at stuttering as a problem.  If only I could have learned to be content with it.  If only I wouldn't have wasted all those years being bitter and angry about it.  I'm sorry Father ... I didn't know any better.  What I can do though is remain content with where you have me.  I mean, I'll try ... I'll definitely still need your help, but I'll work hard on being content with where I'm at in life right now.  One thing I know I can be content with is knowing that you never waste a hurt.  You love me so much you've stored up my tears in a jar.  I know that you're the one who can restore what the locust devoured.  Finally God, I'm sure I can learn to be content knowing that your hand is upon me ... wow ... just to think of that is amazing ... but I know that it is, and I know that you'll promote me when the time is right.  I don't know where, or to what, or with whom, but I know that you've got things under control ... and your timing is always the perfect timing.  Don't forget though ... I need your help.  I get sidetracked easily ... and I tend to forget things, even important things ... so help me Lord ... help me to be content.  Thank you Father.  Amen.


P.S.  God ... before I go I wanted to thank your for putting a few people in my life, throughout those first 24 years, who didn't care how I talked.  They were still there for me, still my friends ... thank you for them God, and please bless them.  In some way let them know how grateful I was ... how grateful I am.  Amen, and good night.

 "Far better to be right and poor than to be wrong and rich."
Proverbs 16:8, The Message

About four years ago (or thereabouts ... I'm very bad at remembering time frames), the company I worked for was investigating a project opportunity in Tennessee.  The lead came from an artist who was very well known in the Christian art world.  He was a very talented guy who worked on some pretty spectacular projects.  We had worked with him once before on a 65' statue of Jesus, located in Ohio, just south of Dayton.  That statue became known as "Butter Jesus" on the Bob and Tom morning radio show.  I think someone even wrote a song about it. 

Because I had a previous working relationship with this artist, I was co-managing the effort to investigate this project.  Investigating consisted of three trips to Nashville, TN to meet with the artist, his design team, and a group of investors looking at funding the project.  Those three trips are what led to me falling in love with Nashville.  If you've never been, it's a place you really need to visit.  Anyway, my company and I invested a lot of time and money investigating this project.  It was full of potential, and offered a great opportunity for everyone to make a lot of money.

You've probably guessed by now that nothing ever came of it.  Our CEO saw the handwriting on the wall and pulled the plug before we got too far into it and lost any more money.  The investors were all sizzle and no steak as well.  They talked a big game but never followed through on any of it.  The artist ended up being a less than honorable business man (we ended up part of a lawsuit on another project we worked on with him).  The last I heard of him he was avoiding the IRS as a full time job.  It saddened me to hear that because I think he really was a good guy who lost sight of what was right.  He created works of art that were beautiful, and glorified God.  During the last few meetings I had with him all he could talk about was how rich we were going to get.  In four short months he lost focus on what was important.  When he first approached me about the project, all he could talk about was how great the project would be and how many other people would benefit as a result of it.  Eventually all he could think about was how he would benefit.

Like some of you (maybe) I've had opportunities offered to me to "get rich", and "make a lot of money."   I decided to pursue a few of them.  Not one of them panned out.  The most recent one was pretty disappointing ... more so than any other ... because I really believed what the 'idea bringer' was telling me.  He may eventually get rich ... who knows ... but if he doesn't change, it may come at the expense of his integrity.

An old friend of mine got rich through one of the opportunities I pursued.  Rich meaning he had a residual, six figure income that was going to pay him "forever."  I don't know if it's still paying him.  A few financial rugs got pulled out from under him along the way.  In addition to that, his two oldest daughters were both 16 and pregnant ... before MTV glamorized it ... and his youngest daughter had to enter a substance abuse program while still in her teens.  I know I've made a lot of wrong decisions in the past.  Chances are I'll make more in the future.  Each time I've been presented with an opportunity to make a lot of money, I've been let down.  It's amazing how you can get tunnel vision at times like that, and lose sight of what is right.  I know I have. 

I don't know what kind of person I'd be if I were rich.  I'd like to think I'd be the same guy I am today.  I heard once that money only magnifies who you are, so if you're a jerk who makes a lot of money, you'll be a bigger jerk.  If you're a nice guy who makes a lot of money, you'll be really nice.  Here's what I do know ... I'd rather be where I'm at today having made all the right choices, than be rich by sacrificing my family, integrity, honor, and reputation. 

The old saying about how you can't take it with you ... it's true.  What do you say we all do our best to live that way?  Do the right things, say the right things ... you'll be richer for it.  God bless.