“You gotta understand, I'm at odds with myself all the time. I actually want to be mysterious, and quiet. I really do. If anyone out there is like me and they can't help but speak and communicate. I have a giant capacity to communicate, and I'm always suffering because there's nothing I'd rather do than be the guy who speaks when spoken to, and I wake up every morning trying to be that guy, and by the end of the night … it's the banana dance or something. I can not get out of this really impressionistic, communication thing, so I'm getting over it by acknowledging to myself that I do dumb stuff, and that I'm going to continue to occasionally do dumb stuff peppered in with some special stuff, and so I'm coming to terms with that. It doesn't explain everything away, but it helps to say “I've always been this way” … it's not the perfect explanation, but it helps me sleep."
John Mayer
Today's blog is about you. Yes, I'm writing it, but it's about you. However, you do have to qualify. I don't think it will be difficult ... most of you probably meet the qualifications already. For those who don't, God bless you. To qualify you simply had to go through, at one time in your life, a period of either not liking yourself; or wishing others would understand you more, and maybe be a little more gracious with you, and the baggage you carry with you. To begin, I'll be referencing the quote above from a famous guy named John. That's right, the quote is from John Mayer ... the musician. Not John the Baptist, or the beloved Apostle John, but the bluesy, rock guitar player.
I was flipping channels yesterday and landed on Paladia, a music channel that shows recorded concerts for half the day, and music video's the other half of the day. I caught the last ten minutes of a John Mayer concert. After 'landing', I was able to catch him answering a question from someone in the crowd. The quote above was the latter two thirds of his answer. Unfortunately I didn't catch all of the question. To me, it didn't matter. How he described himself captivated me. It was like he was describing me ... perfectly. Even my wife looked at me and said "sounds like you." Let me share a few myths about me (things I've heard said about me, or to describe me over the years) that hopefully you can relate to, and subsequently learn from.
Myth #1: Because I sing at church, and am a lead singer in a country band, I must be outgoing.
Reality: I'm not outgoing at all. I'm much more comfortable being alone, or hanging with my wife ... maybe a friend or two. I've never thought an outgoing person was someone who could get up in front of crowds and act, or perform, or speak. To me, an outgoing person is someone who can meet a stranger face to face, and actually strike up a meaningful conversation. My wife is outgoing in that way. Me ... I'm just an introvert who loves to sing and play guitar. The bigger the crowd the better too. I sang at church this weekend at three services, in front of a few thousand people total. That's easy for an introvert to do ... because you don't have to look at any one person!
What you can learn: Be yourself, and be happy with who you are. Don't let the 'crowd' dictate who or what you should be.
Myth #2: Because I don't have a problem with being up in front of large crowds, I must be uber confident.
Reality: I actually suffer from low self esteem. I haven't always, but I have for some time now. It stems from being involved in a situation where for about 12 years straight I was mentally beat up, and made to feel like a loser, because I wasn't meeting the expectations of others. Mentally beat up by others, and myself. Couple that with many years of chronic pain and three surgeries and you end up with depression. Add two more major surgeries, each requiring three months of recuperation time, which meant doing nothing productive or meaningful for six out of twelve months, and you get a worsening depression. Combine that with losing your job for no legitimate reason and you've got a miserable existence ... and no self esteem.
What you can learn: At the risk of sounding secular, let me tell you a great way to live ... if it feels good, do it. If it feels bad, don't do it. I'm not going to go into a big explanation about Biblical good and bad. I trust that you're able to know the difference between the good feeling you get by pursuing something you enjoy, and the good feeling you get by getting high. The same with bad ... there's a difference between leaving an environment that is damaging to you, and electing to avoid a challenge simply because it looks difficult. My point is that if you are in a situation that you know is bad for you, and you know won't change, don't stay in it for 12 years like I did simply because people expect you to. You will never live up to the expectations of others ... never ... so stop trying right now. Instead, spend your time and energy with people who genuinely love and care about you, and engaging in healthy, esteem building, soul strengthening pursuits ... things that don't just make you feel good, but make you feel good about yourself.
Myth #3: I sing and entertain well, so therefore I must be good at everything I do.
Reality: I'm as much of a clown as the next guy. I do some things well, but I can really screw things up too. I've said the wrong things, done the wrong things, bought the wrong things, sold the wrong things ... the list could go on and on. Just like John Mayer, I'm learning to accept the good with the bad. I can't expect that I'll do everything right. I just have to learn to be proud of what I can do well, and work on the things I can fix.
What you can learn: You're going to screw up. A lot. And often. But you know what? It's okay ... because you weren't created to be perfect. Only one person has held that title in all of history: Jesus Christ. I think it's by design that we can't be perfect. If we were, or thought we were, we'd probably rely on God less and less. I'm going to encourage you to do what I'm learning to do: focus on the good things you do for others, or on the things you're good at. When you get a negative thought about something you said or did, write it down, determine where the illogical thought(s) came from, then write down a rational response to yourself. For example, lets say you set your alarm for p.m. instead of a.m., which caused you to oversleep and be late for work. If you're like me, your first thought is "Oh, how can I be so stupid? I'm such and idiot, and I'm going to be late for work. I just started working there too, this is going to make me look like such a fool!" Late or not, that's an overreaction and over-generalizing statement. After determining that, and thinking about the situation rationally instead of emotionally, I can respond to those emotions by saying "I made a simple mistake. Setting my alarm wrong does not make me stupid. Being late for work, regardless of how long I've worked there, does not make me a fool, or irresponsible." Think on that for awhile.
The end. God bless you, and good night.
John Mayer
Today's blog is about you. Yes, I'm writing it, but it's about you. However, you do have to qualify. I don't think it will be difficult ... most of you probably meet the qualifications already. For those who don't, God bless you. To qualify you simply had to go through, at one time in your life, a period of either not liking yourself; or wishing others would understand you more, and maybe be a little more gracious with you, and the baggage you carry with you. To begin, I'll be referencing the quote above from a famous guy named John. That's right, the quote is from John Mayer ... the musician. Not John the Baptist, or the beloved Apostle John, but the bluesy, rock guitar player.
I was flipping channels yesterday and landed on Paladia, a music channel that shows recorded concerts for half the day, and music video's the other half of the day. I caught the last ten minutes of a John Mayer concert. After 'landing', I was able to catch him answering a question from someone in the crowd. The quote above was the latter two thirds of his answer. Unfortunately I didn't catch all of the question. To me, it didn't matter. How he described himself captivated me. It was like he was describing me ... perfectly. Even my wife looked at me and said "sounds like you." Let me share a few myths about me (things I've heard said about me, or to describe me over the years) that hopefully you can relate to, and subsequently learn from.
Myth #1: Because I sing at church, and am a lead singer in a country band, I must be outgoing.
Reality: I'm not outgoing at all. I'm much more comfortable being alone, or hanging with my wife ... maybe a friend or two. I've never thought an outgoing person was someone who could get up in front of crowds and act, or perform, or speak. To me, an outgoing person is someone who can meet a stranger face to face, and actually strike up a meaningful conversation. My wife is outgoing in that way. Me ... I'm just an introvert who loves to sing and play guitar. The bigger the crowd the better too. I sang at church this weekend at three services, in front of a few thousand people total. That's easy for an introvert to do ... because you don't have to look at any one person!
What you can learn: Be yourself, and be happy with who you are. Don't let the 'crowd' dictate who or what you should be.
Myth #2: Because I don't have a problem with being up in front of large crowds, I must be uber confident.
Reality: I actually suffer from low self esteem. I haven't always, but I have for some time now. It stems from being involved in a situation where for about 12 years straight I was mentally beat up, and made to feel like a loser, because I wasn't meeting the expectations of others. Mentally beat up by others, and myself. Couple that with many years of chronic pain and three surgeries and you end up with depression. Add two more major surgeries, each requiring three months of recuperation time, which meant doing nothing productive or meaningful for six out of twelve months, and you get a worsening depression. Combine that with losing your job for no legitimate reason and you've got a miserable existence ... and no self esteem.
What you can learn: At the risk of sounding secular, let me tell you a great way to live ... if it feels good, do it. If it feels bad, don't do it. I'm not going to go into a big explanation about Biblical good and bad. I trust that you're able to know the difference between the good feeling you get by pursuing something you enjoy, and the good feeling you get by getting high. The same with bad ... there's a difference between leaving an environment that is damaging to you, and electing to avoid a challenge simply because it looks difficult. My point is that if you are in a situation that you know is bad for you, and you know won't change, don't stay in it for 12 years like I did simply because people expect you to. You will never live up to the expectations of others ... never ... so stop trying right now. Instead, spend your time and energy with people who genuinely love and care about you, and engaging in healthy, esteem building, soul strengthening pursuits ... things that don't just make you feel good, but make you feel good about yourself.
Myth #3: I sing and entertain well, so therefore I must be good at everything I do.
Reality: I'm as much of a clown as the next guy. I do some things well, but I can really screw things up too. I've said the wrong things, done the wrong things, bought the wrong things, sold the wrong things ... the list could go on and on. Just like John Mayer, I'm learning to accept the good with the bad. I can't expect that I'll do everything right. I just have to learn to be proud of what I can do well, and work on the things I can fix.
What you can learn: You're going to screw up. A lot. And often. But you know what? It's okay ... because you weren't created to be perfect. Only one person has held that title in all of history: Jesus Christ. I think it's by design that we can't be perfect. If we were, or thought we were, we'd probably rely on God less and less. I'm going to encourage you to do what I'm learning to do: focus on the good things you do for others, or on the things you're good at. When you get a negative thought about something you said or did, write it down, determine where the illogical thought(s) came from, then write down a rational response to yourself. For example, lets say you set your alarm for p.m. instead of a.m., which caused you to oversleep and be late for work. If you're like me, your first thought is "Oh, how can I be so stupid? I'm such and idiot, and I'm going to be late for work. I just started working there too, this is going to make me look like such a fool!" Late or not, that's an overreaction and over-generalizing statement. After determining that, and thinking about the situation rationally instead of emotionally, I can respond to those emotions by saying "I made a simple mistake. Setting my alarm wrong does not make me stupid. Being late for work, regardless of how long I've worked there, does not make me a fool, or irresponsible." Think on that for awhile.
The end. God bless you, and good night.
posted by Joe at
2/14/2011 07:59:00 PM
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