I recently watched the movie "The Kings Speech."  If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.  As some of you might know I grew up with a stuttering, or stammering problem.  Some days were better than others but most days I just couldn't talk clearly.  I couldn't begin to count the number of times kids laughed at me in school, or how many times in my early adult life people looked at me like I was some kind of freak.  On one hand how can you blame them when a 22 year old young man can't say his own name in an introduction?  On the other hand ... well ... let's just say their reactions at times could bring out the worst in me.

Outside of this blog I've begun to journal many of my thoughts.  Many nights I lay awake trying to fall asleep with little to no success.  Using the note application on my iPod, I've started to write down whatever is going through my head.  Sometimes it's nonsense.  Other times it's potential blog topics.  I've got half written songs in there, thoughts about what I'd say if only I get the chance to talk to someone, conversations with God, and yes ... even conversations with myself.  I don't know if it helps me sleep any better, but it sure has been a great exercise in clearing my head!  Unfortunately, doing so just makes room for more crazy, random thoughts.

This morning I was thinking about the movie, and about how similar his life and my life were.  We both had mean fathers that we were afraid of.  We were both made to write with our right hand when our natural inclination was to write with our left. (I eventually won that battle I guess, because I'm left handed today).  We both liked music, and liked to sing.  And we both hated speaking in public.  The more I thought about the movie, the more some of those crazy, random thoughts came to mind.  Below is a poem, or maybe the beginning of a poem, that captured some of those thoughts.

So shy, and quiet
He kept to himself
Not happy with who he was
Wanting to be someone else
He stammered and stuttered
He hated to speak
Could not say his name
His confidence weak

Years would pass by, 

not much would change
Stayed silent at all costs
To avoid added shame
Can you imagine the fear?
The experiences lost?
"Don't call on me now"
Again fear was the boss

The day finally came
This young boy now a man
"I'll stutter no more
Against fear I will stand"
A miracle from God?
No other way to explain
The stutter was gone
But still there was pain

More years would pass
Struggles kept coming
He forgot how to stand
From pain he kept running
He cried out to God
"Please help me be strong,
It's hard to keep running
Been running so long"
His God remained silent
Or that's how he felt
"Is this what I get?
This hand I've been dealt?"

There is no known cure for stuttering.  None.  Zip.  But one day I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror and said "Joe, yesterday was the last day you'll ever stutter again."  And it was.  Well, I've have had a few instances over the past 18 years, but it's 99% gone.  That's right ... I'm a walking, breathing, non stop talking, miracle believing child of the Most High.  Since that day I've spoken in more public meetings than I can count.  I've made more public presentations than I can count.  God healed me.

So what about the other struggles in life?  What am I do do with this "hand I've been dealt?"  What am I to think of the physical pain?  The emotional roller coaster?  God healed me of something that has NO KNOWN CURE yet I still walk around daily dealing with pain and issues that people recover from or are healed from all the time.  I'll be honest, at times it is hard to keep running.  I feel like I've been running this race a long time and it's hard to continue some days.  And it's really hard when it feels like you're getting tripped up and kicked in the gut all the time by you know who.  Well guess what?  Greater is He who is in me than he who in the world.  And if God is for us, then who can be against us?  Praise God for his promises.

Keep talking to God about your problems, your hurts, your habits, and your hang ups.  And make sure you tell all those things about how big your God is!  You don't have to write a blog, a poem, a song, or a journal.  Those work for me but they may not work for you.  Just talk to Him.  He's waiting.  Good night and God bless you.