What good is the past? Can thinking about your past affect the present? Can it change the future? Of course I use the word 'thinking' loosely. What I really meant was worrying, or comparing an old situation to a current one, or dwelling, or blaming yourself for something you said or did that no one else remembers. Obviously thinking was shorter to type, and more to the point.

I think back on the past a lot. I tend to dwell on things far too often and for far too long. It's almost as if I've got myself convinced that if I think hard and long enough, then I can remember all I've ever said and done wrong. Once that list is compiled I can then go person by person and ressurect all that "stuff", apologize for what I said or did, and then they'll like me more. Why can't I be the one who forgets? Why can't I be the less needy ... and the strong person?

I read a quote this week that stopped me dead in my tracks. It went something like "it's painful to realize there will be people in your life who need you less than than you need them." That one hurt ... it hurt because it hit home. I know that feeling all to well. I have friendships like that. I've had dating relationships like that. It seems I've always been the pursuer, and rarely if ever, have I been the one being pursured. I've had friendships and other relationships where I'm the proactive (needy) one, and the other person is the reactive
(less needy) one.

The minute you ask Christ into your heart one of the most miraculous things happens: your past sins and transgressions are erased. You're handed a clean slate and the keys to a new life. It's like life has an undo button, but only on God's keyboard. The greatest thing about that is that He will hit that button as often as we ask him to. So if the God of the universe loves us that much, to forgive us of all we've done or will ever do, why it it so hard to forgive ourselves? Why is it so hard to let some things go? I wish I knew, for my own sake.