Forgive what you can't fix. 
Forget what you can't do.
- Anonymous

I borrowed the quote above from a friends facebook page.  He posted a note this morning listing some meaningful thoughts that were going through his mind.  He ended the note with these two sentences.  I don't know if he came up with it or if he was quoting someone else.  I'd give him credit but I don't know if he'd want the attention.  I read it about 14 hours ago and I've thought about it ever since.  I don't why ... just have.

Forgive what you can't fix.

I've made some mistakes in life.  Probably more than just 'some' ... probably a lot.  More than I could count, or remember.  I've done things I'm not proud of.  I've said things I can't take back.  I've hurt people, mistreated people, and hated people.  I've broken things ... people ... relationships ... that I can't fix.

I don't know if any of the people who I hurt ever forgave me.  I guess I never followed up.  If they did ... and if I knew they did, it might make me feel good ... temporarily.  I'd still know what I did though ... I'd still feel bad ... responsible ... guilty.  Guilt has always had a pretty easy trip with me.  I don't know why but I'd have to guess it's from a lifetime of trying to please others.  When I didn't I had to blame someone.  I was the easiest target.  I can't fix the the things I've said or done, but to move on I need to forgive myself.

Forget what you can't do.

There's a lot I can't do.  I can't dunk a basketball.  I can't hit a 320 yard drive.  I can't play the piano.  Those things are easy to forget about.  I can't take back a harsh comment.  I can't reel a mean look back in.  I can't get back the time I've wasted on people who 'done me wrong'.  I can't forget these things ... I've tried, and I'm just not strong enough.  I think at times I am ... I get so far ... then my emotions take over.

What do people see when they look at me?  For someone who doesn't know me at all, they might see an average guy who's polite and easy to talk to.  For those who sort of know me, they might see a little more ... maybe my sense of humor, or my love of music.  For the few who really know me ... God help them.  They've seen it all, but mostly they've seen that I'm a pretty emotional guy.  I don't know why I am, but I always have been, for as long as I can remember.  I was the kid who cried a lot.  Heck, I got choked up watching Jim and Pam's wedding on "The Office" tonight.  My point is this: my emotions are pretty strong, and at times have quite an influence on me and how I think.  How can I forgive and forget what I've said and done when my emotions, teamed with my brain, replay them over and over like bad movie?  How can someone move on from that?  How can I?

I don't know if I have the answer.  What I think I do have is a place with which to start: I need to try, for as long as it takes until I get it, to look at myself the way that God looks at me.  When I prayed that sinners prayer, asking Him to forgive me for the things I had done, the Bible says He wiped the slate clean, that I'm a new creation, a son adopted into God's family.  Is it that simple ... you say one prayer and God forgives it all?  I'm afraid it is.  It's that simple.  So why can't it be that simple for us to forgive ourselves?  I don't know.  It's not like we're smarter than God, or know more than God, or can see into our past better than God.  Is it because we know ourselves too well?  God created us, so that means He probably knows us pretty well too.

If you read this hoping I'd have the answer, I'm sorry.  I don't.  I was hoping as I typed God would give me the answer.  He didn't ... at least not that I know.  What He did give me - and you - was the ultimate Answer: His son Jesus.  He paid our sin debt.  He hand delivered our salvation plan in the womb of teenage virgin named Mary.  I believe it.  I trust in what He did, that He didn't die on that cross in vain.  If I can believe that, you'd think I could do something as easy as forgive myself. 

Yeah ... you'd think.  At least I haven't stopped trying.  God bless.