The Together Life

"When you are on your beds,
 search your hearts and be silent."
Psalm 4:4, New International Version

"At day's end I'm ready for sound sleep,
For you, God, have put my life back together."
Psalm 4:8, The Message

Two passages from the same Psalm; two different statements; two different mindsets; two different places in life.  I don't know about you, but I don't always sleep well.  I haven't had two nights of restful sleep back to back in a long, long time.  I know I'm not the only exception here ... many people deal with difficulty in sleeping.  The toughest nights are when my mind races, not slowing down at all, not giving me the chance to rest and be 'silent'.

David tells the reader to go to bed, search your heart, and be silent.  It's good advice ... there's much to be said for taking the time to do that before you fall off to sleep.  I picture someone sitting in their easy chair ... the kids have been tucked in for a few hours now ... they're watching the news, or reading a book ... the moon is shining upon them, the crickets are chirping a night time lullaby ... they brush their teeth, put on their silk pajamas, kiss their wife good night, and get into bed.  As they drift off to sleep, they're 'searching their heart', thinking about the day, how wonderful their life is, how much their boss loves them, their 401k is growing, their kids are straight A students ... can I stop now?  As creative as I am even I can't continue writing this story.

Here are some other versions of this story ...

A husband and wife are laying in their bed, searching their hearts, and finding only sadness because their son died too young.  They search their hearts, asking God "why him?".  They search their hearts trying to find the strength and desire to get up the next day.  A piece of them is gone.  The thought of their son dying alone in his house, laying in bed for three or four days before he was found.  Did he suffer?  Did he cry out only for no one to hear him?  What if we had ... if only we had ... why didn't we ... the questions never end.  Their hearts are broken ... shattered ... there's not much left to search.

A young, 17 year old girl goes to bed.  As she lays there, she searches her heart, confused and hurting at how the other kids at school are treating her.  She's never done anything to them, never said a bad thing about them, but kids are kids, and this group seems to be set on ruining this young girls reputation ... even her life.  She cries to her mother as she tells her what the kids are saying about her.  She comes out to her car after school only to see the words 'bitch' and 'slut' painted on her car windows.  Slut?  She's never even had a boyfriend.  She's a straight A student with a bright future, yet she's weighted down daily with how much these kids hate her.  She loves God, and knows that He's there for her.  She's followed Him since she was old enough to know about Him.  Her heart too is broken, and she keeps searching.

A husband comes to bed.  It's late ... maybe midnight ... maybe later.  He stays up late thinking that if he goes to bed exhausted he'll fall right to sleep, and not have to think about anything.  Some nights it works ... most nights it doesn't.  So he lays there, searching his heart.  He thinks about how long he's been out of work.  It worries him to not know what tomorrow will bring, will he be able to take care of his wife, what if 'this' happens or 'that' happens?  He's trying to search his heart but it's become hardened and cold and broken.  In his mind, there's not much left to search ... but he does ... he has no choice.

What's your story?  Are you the one who drifts off to sleep with no worries, with the crickets singing you a lullaby?  Or are you the one who barely sleeps, and when you do it's only because you're so tired and exhausted from the day that you can't stay awake any longer?  David didn't have it easy.  I don't think he went to bed at night "without a care in the world", yet he's able to write "At days end I'm ready for sound sleep, for you, God, have put my life back together".  How could he say that?  What assurance or proof or evidence did he have to look at or reference to give him the feeling that God had put his life back together?

God, it's been a long time since I've felt like my life was together.  It's been a long time since I went to bed and slept soundly.  Your word is full of promises, full of hope, packed with evidence of how You care for those who follow You, yet I still find myself hopeless at times.  As David wrote in another Psalm, "my hope is in you Lord, my trust is in You", and it is.  It's not in me, or another person, it's in You.  You're the only one who can put my life back together.  I'm looking forward to it.  I love you God.  ~ Joe