God, Where Are You?

"God, are you avoiding me?  Where are you when I need you?"
Psalm 10:1, The Message

I feel weak today.  I'm not sure what I'm going to write, so this can end up one of two ways: either real bad, or real good.  We'll see at the end.

I feel weak today.  I've been battling a cold since Tuesday morning, and it doesn't seem to want to let me win.  It's gotten the best of me today ... and I'm tired.  My one saving hope was getting to lead worship tonight at the Celebrate Recovery class at church ... however, my voice is somewhere near Kid Rock meets Uncle Kracker meets three packs a day for a few years.  It's just not good.

I feel weak today.  I spent an hour or so looking for jobs this morning online.  There was nothing new.  I thought there was, but when I went to apply for it, it told me I had already submitted my resume.  I've been out of work now going on my 8th month.  I don't know how people make a lifestyle out of this.  The only exceptions in my book are stay at home moms, or dads, but the people who "make a living" off of government programs ... Argh!  It's driving me nuts ... but ... I am thankful to have it.  I'd rather have a job though.

I feel weak today.  In Proverbs 13:12 it says that "hope deferred makes the heart sick".  I feel like I've had hope after hope after hope deferred ... put off ... "not now".  In Proverbs 12:25 says "Anxiety weighs down the heart".  Some days the deferred hope, the anxiety, the frustration ... they just seem like more than I can handle.  To be fair to the context of the verses quoted above, I should tell you they both have 'buts' that go with them.  "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life".  It's true ... just not for me lately.  "Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up".  That's true too ... boy is that true.

So God, where are you today?   Are you avoiding me?  I don't think so ... that's just not your m.o.  I know I'm not supposed to let my feelings direct my thoughts, but you know me ... you know how hard that is.  You created me with this ever-running, creative, and analytical mind, but it never stops God.  It never stops.  And the feelings ... they're strong ... stronger than me.  Where are you when I need you?  I know your Spirit dwells within me, but I need you ... like here ... with me ... next to me, like the table next to the chair I'm sitting in.  Where are you on days like this?

If you have ever asked that question, and got an answer, maybe you could share it with me.  I know God is 'here' ... I know He's watching over me, caring for me, protecting me.  I know He has my best interests in mind.  There's something I'm supposed to learn from all of this, I just wish the learning phase could come to an end.  Wouldn't that mean the struggles would end too?  Maybe ... I really don't know.  What I do know is that I'd rather struggle with God than struggle without Him.  

If you don't know Him; if He's not your Lord and Savior, today would be a good day to get that taken care of.  I don't believe there's a wrong way to ask God to save you, so just speak to Him from your heart.  He'll know what you mean.  And when you do, when you 'come home', when you put your trust in Him, it will fulfill His greatest longing ... to have a relationship with you.  You see, He doesn't like it when we avoid Him either.  God bless.