Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
James 1:2-4, The Message 

This is one of those passages that, when I read it, I feel like doing one of two things: going directly to a book or passage that I'd rather read, or closing my Bible altogether and then go make breakfast.  Who really wants to consider challenges a gift?  Worse yet, who wants their spiritual weaknesses out 'into the open'?  I don't.  I've learned something though ... life may be about a lot of things, but it's not at all about what I want.

I've been writing this blog now for a few weeks.  I'm not sure how many people are reading it.  Maybe a few.  Maybe more than a few.  What I do know is that it gives me an outlet during the times when I'm supposed to be embracing the challenges life throws my way.  I know my life story isn't the worst I've heard.  I would also bet it isn't the best.  Over time, as I feel led, I'll share with you some of what I've gone through.  Not because I enjoy re-living it, or thinking about the tough times, but to hopefully encourage someone.  To let someone know that they aren't the only one waking up feeling discouraged, depressed, and defeated.  Today was one of those days ...

One of my life's more difficult challenges took place this past May ... May 19 at 11:00 am to be exact.  I was laid off from my job.  9 1/2 years at that firm, and a 16 year career came to a screeching halt that day.  I didn't know it at the time, but that's why God gives us hindsight.  I graduated from Michigan State University with a B.S. of Landscape Architecture, and have enjoyed designing and creating some wonderful projects over the years.  My job was simple: listen to what someone wanted, and find a way to make it a reality.  I solved problems.  I fixed things.  I laid plans, and followed them to achieve the desired result.  Some day's I'd be driving home wondering if I got any closer to that 'result' on that particular day, but the great thing about my job is that I always got there eventually.

Engineering and construction do not allow shortcuts.  Regardless of the project, I had to follow certain steps and design principles to "make it work".  I'm learning that life has no shortcuts as well.  There are some things you just have to go through ... regardless of how long it takes.  I've been laid off now for a little over seven months.  I've applied for positions at firms all over the United States with no success.  It's difficult to say the least, to wake up every day with nothing to do.  Sure, there are things to do in life, but you know what I mean ... it's tough.  The pressure is tough.  The stress is tough.  And as the verse states, my true colors have come out ... I don't like what I see.  I don't like the deficiencies ... I thought I was more 'mature' than I am.

Maybe that's why I'm going through this, to become more well-rounded and mature.  To become a little bit stronger, wiser, and able to better stand up to what life brings to my doorstep.  It sounds good in theory, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Canned responses never do.  Maybe that's why I never offer them to anyone.  I'd rather not say anything than say something as ignorant as "I guess that's life".  

God, forgive me for my weaknesses ... my faults ... and my attitude.  I hate days like this, and I'm tired of going through them.  Please help me to continue to learn that I can be victorious without feeling victorious.  Help to keep my emotions and feelings where they belong ... beneath Your love and promises.  And when I fail today ... when I screw up and forget what I've learned, or even what I'm proclaiming now ... forgive me again.  And again.  Regardless of what today brings, or how I feel, I know I always have You, and on that I can stand.  Amen.